Last night, we fought Knoxville traffic for about an hour to get fingerprinted for our homestudy!!! We made it with 4 minutes to spare! Nowadays, they don't use ink. It's all done digitally so it was pretty quick and easy.
Every little thing like that that we get done feels good. It feels like it puts us a little closer to our kids. But, then I start thinking about all of the forms that take MONTHS to get approval and LOTS of money! It's easy to feel overwhelmed. It's so hard when you feel this desperation to get to your children. I see a picture of my baby boy sitting in the dirt with the sweetest smile on his face and my heart just breaks...I just want to scoop him up! I don't understand why it has to take this long. As far as the money...sometimes I wonder what we think we're doing! We DO NOT have the money for this! And then I think....God's reply to that is probably, "EXACTLY!". I know that's how He gets glory. All of this will only be because of Him!
My prayer is that He will help me to keep my eyes on Him. I know that through this process He wants to do a work in me and our family. I pray that I let Him. I want to be broken. I don't want to go on with my life as before. I don't want to go back to being comfortable with my life, while at the same time knowing that there are tens of thousands of kids dying everyday, there are little boys forced to fish all night and day and risk their lives for their masters, there are mothers forced to give up their children because they cannot feed them, and there are people who have never heard of our savior! How can I? I say that, yet, I do it everyday. I'm still frivolous and selfish. Lord, move me and break me!
I read this devotion this morning:
My face is shining upon you, beaming out peace that transcends understanding.
You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face to face with Me, your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. if you gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to sink, simply call out "Help me, Jesus!" and I will lift you up.
The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on ME, the One who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay close to Me.
From Jesus Calling
Philippians 4:6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
We are not surrounded by a sea "problems". We are so blessed! We are grateful to be on this journey. But, we are surrounded by things that seem impossible. I must keep my eyes on Him! It's not impossible for Him who has called us!