Ashes and Beauty

I laid down to get little Moses to sleep for his nap.
He still needs me there to go to sleep.  Sometimes it wears me out, I'm ready for a break.   Sometimes I am able to  soak it up and know that it's such a special time of bonding between him and I.

I cradle him in close to me.  Sometimes he goes right to sleep and then I slip out.

Today...he was in one of those moods.   He loves to give kisses...it's the sweetest thing!

Grabbing the sides of my face, he pulls me in and gives a long, squishy kiss.

He plays with my eyelashes, sometimes almost pulling them out.

He plays with my lips, then squishes my face and snorts through his nose at how funny I look.

He smiles at me with that adorable grin and underbite.

The look in those sweet, black eyes...melts my heart.


Today, for some reason, tears started to flow.   I started to think of his "other mom".

My heart hurt for both of them.   She can't cradle him, kiss his chubby cheek, nuzzle him in close, sing songs to him to get him to sleep.   He is also missing out on her....her touch, her voice, smell.  

Man, it hurts.   Yes, adoption is beautiful and redemptive.  But, it only comes because of HUGE loss and heartbreak.   I am so thankful God blessed our home with these two beautiful children.  At the same time, I wish they didn't have to be so far away from Felisha.   They both look like her.  Christy has her raspy voice.   She loves to laugh and I have no doubt our kids get their big personalities from her.   I know a lot of people would say that adoption was God's "plan A".   But, I don't think so.   I think God brings beauty from ashes.  He can take something painful and heart wrenching and somehow make it beautiful.   He sets the lonely in families.  He comforts and restores.  He bottles the tears of the mother who did what she had to do.  He sees the sacrifice.  He bring justice.

Today is Orphan Sunday.

There are SO MANY children waiting.   So many.   Here and abroad.

However, there are also SO MANY vulnerable children in danger of becoming "orphans"....here and abroad.

There are SO MANY mothers who want to keep their children, but, don't know how they're going to be able to much longer.

There are so many great organizations helping in all of these areas.  We're praying about where God is leading us.   Please pray about what God would have you to do!   I know that orphan care is not the only ministry...there are so many important ones.  This is where God has burdened us at this point in our lives...if He has put orphan care on your heart...please respond!

HELP ONE NOW 

APPARENT PROJECT

WORLD VISION      (they have some awesome ways of keep families together)

SOLE REBELS  ( Something as simple as buying fair trade can help support mothers and fathers trying to keep their families together)

Last week was kind of a blur!  In the midst of Christy's first ever birthday week, we had numerous unplanned appointments.  Despite that, we had some really great times.   She and I got a lot of girl time, which was greatly needed.   We seem to have a lot of frustration between us lately.   She's very impulsive and also likes to help me "parent" a lot.   I'll go to grab something...like a utensil...and she'll reach and grab it before me.   Not out of disrespect....it's just what she does right now.  We are both learning and growing through this time.   Just getting out away from everything else was good.   We went out to eat and got her ears pierced.  Then we just walked around the mall and chatted.  She's so cute and funny.    I felt really bad because I thought she was prepared for getting her ears pierced.  There is not telling how they pierced her ears in Ghana.   One was WAY lower than the other and one of them....the hole was not pierced straight through so it was an ordeal to get an earring through the hole.   So, I thought that Claire's would be no big deal!   Well, apparently, when someone starts putting on gloves, sterilizing everything, gets out a little gun and sits you up in a tall stool....it's quite intimidating.   They did both ears at once and she sobbed when they were done.  I think she was more scared than anything and just didn't understand what was going on.   She's happy with them now though.   Luke already managed to rip one out, but, thankfully I was able to put it back in.

I also took her for a speech evaluation. I'm so glad I did.  She is still very hard for a lot of people to understand and it's not because of her accent.  She has some serious speech issues and will be starting speech therapy soon.  I think it will really help her confidence.   She gets frustrated sometimes when people can't understand her and I think she'll be happy to be able to communicate more clearly.   

The speech evaluation was hilarious!  At first they were asking her to tell them all about a certain picture.   One was a shoe.   You could tell Christy didn't understand why she was doing this stuff.  "Tell me about the shoe.  Where do you where it?  On your head?".  Christy..."no!  outside!".      Next....a  jacket.   "Tell me about the jacket".   Christy..."it flies.   it will bite you!".    The sweet lady looks at me very confused.  I told her she was talking about a yellow jacket and that Christy's never worn a jacket in her life!   Wow....we are still adjusting to so much!   

The sweet woman who did the test was very understanding.   She would ask Christy a question like, "You have 5 pennies (holding up her five fingers for Christy to see)....I take away one penny (now holding up 4 fingers)...how many pennies do you have (holding 4 fingers right in front of Christy's face)."   Christy replies enthusiastically, "One!".   Huge smile.   The sweet woman just says, "Ok".  :)  There were 3 more questions like this.  Then the very sweet woman says, "Mom...where does she go to school?".   My face turns red and I mumble, "I homeschool her".  Ha!   Nice.   Great!   Thankfully she asked how long she'd been in the states and understood when I said it'd been less than 6 months.   

Tonight at dinner, Luke was talking to Chad and Christy started to say something and then said, "Oh....I almost erupted!".   I'm trying to soak up all of the cute, funny stuff that's happening.  It would be easy to let the frustrations and hard times overwhelm me.  There really are some great memories in the making.    Moses is putting his mark all over our house in the form of paint, sharpies, holes in the wallls, etc.   We're working on reigning that all in...but, it's definitely going to be a process.   

Aunt Melissa got her this cabbage patch doll and Aunt Jessie made her this wrap to carry her in!  So cute!

We made her this little play kitchen...Moses used it to give the baby a bath :)

Here are some pics of Christy's party.   It was so cool.  There were 3 girls from Ghana at her party, two of whom she lived with for years in Ghana!  How amazing is that!  I just watched them and couldn't believe God orchestrated that!    You could see Christy soaking everything in.  She had a great time and I think she really felt celebrated.   On her 7th birthday, she had her first every birthday celebration!   

Saturday several families who have adopted from Ghana came together in Knoxville.  It was a wonderful time with lots of food from Ghana!  The kids were excited!  Me....well, a fish with eyes and everything intact...not so appealing. :)   In Ghana they eat the bones and everything...I mean EVERYTHING.  They even eat chicken bones.  I had to take the drumstick bone from Moses Saturday.  He was digging right into it.  There was a lot of "football" (American soccer).  Everyone seemed to have a great time.  There are several kids from the same home as our kids.  It's been interesting to watch them.  At first, they didn't really want anything to do with each other but, I think they are feeling more safe and have started to play together a lot more.

It's been kind of sad with Moses.   I made jollof rice, one of their faves from Ghana, and we had a lot left over.   We had some that night for dinner...it was obvious something had been triggered in Moses.   He was inhaling his food and kept asking for more.  After 3 large bowls we told him no more.  He lost control and sobbed...heartbroken.  It has continued since then.  Tonight was the worst.  He finished his and then was aggressively trying to take Christy and Luke's food.  He's been fussy, clingy and upset...begging for more all night...all the way until he was finally asleep.   

Food was an issue when they got here...we expected that.  For a long time, Moses had to have his sippy cup of water tucked under his arm to go to sleep at night.   But, they have been so much better for a while.  So, it's been kind of shocking that this effected Moses the way it did.  He's only 2!   Can a 2 year old really know hunger so much that it would do this to them?   My 2 year old has been HUNGRY.  I don't mean, like, missed a meal, or has to wait til we get home to get a drink of water.  I mean, he has gone days with NO water.  He has gone days with NO food.  Can we really even fathom that?  In America...even the homeless can usually get 2-3 meals per day.  I'm not saying there is no one hungry in America...just that most of us cannot fathom the severity of what a huge percentage of people in the world experience every day.  I can't fathom it.   But, my heart is broken.  All I can do is feed him, hold him, tell him I love him and it's ok.   His fear is so real...he's 2...but, he remembers real hunger and thirst.  I pray for Christy and Moses.  I thank God that He promises to heal and restore.  I thank God that He loves these children more than I can ever imagine.  I pray for peace where there is fear and insecurity.  I pray they will have confidence...not in me...but, in the God who holds the universe in His hand AND knows the number of hairs on their heads.  Sometimes I feel like my words are not making sense, but, I'm thankful the Holy Spirit can minister to their hearts so much better than my words ever could.   

Today, Chad was leaving the house.  Moses ran to the window and was banging on it as hard as he could and yelling "Daddy bye! Daddy bye!  I yuh you!".  Chad came walking back and I opened the front door.  Moses ran out the door and threw himself off the porch and grabbed onto Chad's legs and just buried his face and held him.  That moment has torn me up for some reason.  He has a daddy.  It's the most precious thing I've seen in a long time.  But, it's also so sobering.  I see the faces of kids just like him...they've never known a father's love...they never will!  I can't imagine Ethan or Luke...sitting in the dirt...hungry....parched....lethargic....unloved.

And as I write that, I realize that is ME without HIM.   

I'm overwhelmed that He has adopted me...that He has allowed us to adopt these kids...praying these children in my mind will know He has adopted them as well.

We are glad to have power again after the storm on Thursday night.   We don't have our tv hooked up to cable or anything so we didn't know that the storm was coming.  I had some food on the grill and we were doing some stuff outside when it kicked up very suddenly.  Before we knew it we were grabbing everything and running inside.  Chad could barely shut the front door because the wind was so strong.   We huddled in the hallway for a long time.  Our house is surrounded by huge trees so I always get worried one will fall on our house.   We lost power shortly after the storm started and it was out for 48 hours.   We lost one small tree and then a huge chunk of our maple tree fell.   Luckily they didn't do any damage.   It was really hot so we let the kids play in the water and hung out outside and then took COLD showers and went to bed.  The rest of the time we hung out in town or at Chad's mom's house.  I also went to a laundry mat and did every bit of dirty laundry.   

The whole time I was reminded of our friends in Ghana.   They are thankful if they have power or running water at all at this point.  There is really no where to go to escape the heat.   There is no laundry mat to go wash your clothes at when your water is not running...or if you're just completely out of water!  

This family challenges me so much...even when they're halfway around the world.  Check out their blog HERE.

My tomato plants were all completely on the ground.  We worked for a long time and were able to get them up again.

Chad and Ethan got this snake down out of a tree and fed it a frog to pass the time. :)  Much better than watching Jeff Corwin do it!

My mom went to visit an orphanage in Togo for a few days recently.  The little girl, Alexie, that we sponsor...and had hoped to adopt...lives there.  We were excited to get lots of new pictures of her and also that my mom got to get to know her a little.

Mom put together this little video when she got back to Ghana.  Please take a few minutes to watch it.

Every picture we had seen of the kids eating here, they were always eating on the floor. So, this past Christmas, we felt like God spoke to us about what He wanted us to do... instead of buying ANY gifts for our kids or each other, we spent our "Christmas money" on buying tables and chairs for this home.    As we watched this video, we saw the table and chairs and were so excited.  But, then we saw that they were basically the only furniture they have.   Can you imagine?  Looking back, I remember being so tempted go out and just buy ONE gift for the kids...I wanted to get them something so bad.   Seeing this made me so glad I didn't though.  We still have way TOO MUCH.  Would my kids even know where those toys are now?  Would they be tired of them already?   They'd probably be lost or broken.  While watching this, I knew we'd be doing the same this Christmas.  I'm still learning that so many thing that I think are a necessity are really a big WANT.  This home does not have a couch for crying out loud!!  You have to have a couch don't you????   I'm not dogging have a couch...we have one! :)  I'm just convicted...so many live with just the VERY basics for living, while I selfishly waste and spend so much on myself.

These children are just beautiful and there are countless others like them.   Please pray about what you can do to reach out to them.

The organization that provides food and water to this home is Feeding the orphans.