Monday, June 25, 2012


Dying to myself!  This is SO hard for me in some areas of my life.   I LOVE being a mom.  There is nothing I would rather be.  I love being with my kids all day.  I love homeschooling.  It's always been my dream and I'm so thankful God has blessed me with such an incredible opportunity.   I'm learning though, that this wonderful opportunity is one that is also an opportunity for great change in my character!   I saw someone call their kids their "little sanctifiers".   That hit home with me.   I really struggle with my tongue and my attitude.  I am an introvert, so I like to have some time to myself.   I'm a quiet person...I don't mind some noise...but, I'd rather it not be excessive.   I like for people to respect my personal space.  I don't like to be interrupted or bothered when I make it COMPLETELY OBVIOUS that I need a minute to do something. I don't like for people to say my name 10 times in a row while I clearly can't answer at the moment.   Most of all...I like...more like NEED...8 hours of sleep.   The list goes on.     Well, if you have kids, you know that every single one of these things are just not going to happen.  You would think I would have come to terms with that after 8 years as a mom.   However,  when these things don't happen, I get downright hateful.  I have found myself raising my voice at my kids and being so unkind to them.   I have been ridiculous!   It breaks my heart to think of how I have made my kids feel on so many occasions.   I have taught them that it's ok to act that way...why am I surprised when I hear them speak the same way to their siblings?

We heard Ted Tripp speak a while back and one thing he said has always stuck with me.  In a nutshell he said, If something your kids are doing is making you really angry, it's usually because they're messing with one of your idols.    It's so true.   When I'm really upset with them, it's usually because it's inconveniencing me, or frustrating my plans, or interrupting me, etc.   These things have become idols in my life that I have got to lay down at His feet.  I've had to repent and thank God for His amazing grace.

I have the opportunity here to grow in Christ.  I'm finding myself relying on Him more to get me through the days, to be aware of the God ordained opportunities I have to minister to my kids, and to live a life full of the fruit of His Holy Spirit.   I have so far to go and pray that I can share the love and grace of Christ in a more real way with my kids as I experience it more deeply myself.


Hillbilly Rockin' Robin said...

Wow Steph - needed this. Love the quote about if someone is making you angry it's usually messing with one of your idols. Hmmm...requiring some serious thought.... How's your quiet time? Miss talking with you. Praying for you!

The C Family said...

This is a great reflection. I just discovered your blog. We are in the process of discerning whether or not to continue our adoption journey as I found out I am having a baby in Dec. My husband is worried, and rightfully so, that I will go crazy trying to look after a newborn and twins from Ghana and our little boy. He may be right but I want to try.

The Runyans said...

wow....your list of needs and wants sounds just like mine....and tt's comment about idols is so true. here ive been reading your blog for 30 minutes when my boys obviously want my attention...but its irritating me....not good jess....not good.