Monday, September 19, 2011

I'm Not OK

This past few weeks have been kind of crazy around car had to be scrapped due to burning up the motor, found out I was pregnant and then after a roller coaster of a few weeks, I lost the baby, and then, this weekend Chad broke his foot.   I'm tired...physically and emotionally.   I've been tempted to have a pity party.   I feel sorry for myself that I've had to go without a car for a few weeks.   It's been heartbreaking to lose a baby.   It was a lot harder than I even imagined.   Now...Chad is in constant pain and I'm his caretaker along with my boys.   We don't know if he'll be able to work and if not...for how long?   In case no one had noticed...this is REALLY bad timing because we're trying to bring our two other kiddos home.     But, that pity party gets crashed very quickly when I am reminded how blessed I really am.   When I look at the plight of people around me and around the world....suddenly things don't seem so bad.   I have a car! I don't have to walk miles to get water for my kids to drink.   I have a God who comforts me in my grief and He has surrounded me with friends who are such a huge support.    I have a healthy husband with a good job!  And....I have a God who is a faithful provider.  HE is our all in all...not our employer.   Sheesh!  I feel so foolish and selfish when God puts it all into perspective for me.      How am I doing???   I've been asked this question so many times lately and I feel this "poor me" mentality start to rise up.     I just want to get my eyes off of myself.   I think about my kids in a home a world away.  My heart is breaking more everyday.  I don't know how long I can wait for them.  I feel like I just need to go grab them up RIGHT NOW.   It breaks my heart to think of the fact that they are waiting too.   How are they handling this waiting?   I think of all of the children in such desperate food or water, sickness and disease, sickening abuse, and so much more.   And this is happening all around the world....and not so far from our back door.   
Sometimes I want to feel sorry for myself because of the people around me that are hardened by prejudice and are hurtful and negative about adoption.   When compared to the millions of orphans who have literally been abandoned and have NO ONE, or who have been sold into slavery by their family.....I think I'll be ok.   

I don't want to be ok!   I'm not ok with the way things are!   I think it probably disgusts God  to see me go about my daily life, in my comfortable home, with my fridge full of food, my kids toy boxes overflowing with toys, my dog eating better than a lot of people, my excessive waste of water.....when every 4 seconds someone dies of hunger.   I'm not ok and I don't want to be.   I don't want my kids to be.   Lord break my heart!  Move me to action!   

"It is estimated there are between 143 million and 210 million orphans worldwide (recent UNICEF report.) The UNICEF orphan numbers DON’T include abandonment (millions of children) as well as sold and/or trafficked children. The current population of the United States is just a little over 300 million… to give you an idea of the enormity of the numbers…
According to data released in 2003 as many as eight million boys and girls around the world live in institutional care. Some studies have found that violence in residential institutions is six times higher than violence in foster care, and that children in group care are almost four times more likely to experience sexual abuse than children in family based care.
Every day 5,760 more children become orphans
Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…
Each year 14, 505, 000 children grow up as orphans and age out of the system by age sixteen
Each day 38,493 orphans age out
Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family to belong to and no place to call home
Studies have shown that 10% – 15% of these children commit suicide before they reach age eighteen
These studies also show that 60% of the girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become hardened criminals
Another study reported that of the 15,000 orphans aging out of state-run institutions every year, 10% committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years…
An estimated 1.2 million children are trafficked every year; (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)
2 million children, the majority of them girls, are sexually exploited in the multibillion-dollar commercial sex industry. (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)"

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