Count it all joy...

This past month has been an emotion-filled month for many reasons. Our faith is definitely being tested...along with other character qualities! There are so many ugly things that have come out in me lately. While I hate that, at the same time I'm trying to be thankful and see that God is working on me.

A couple days ago I heard James 1:2 and 3. Count it all joy! It's easier to count it all joy when it's only affecting me, but, when I see my children going through hardships...that's a different story! But, I know that God loves these children....HIS children...more than I can even imagine loving them. He knows what's best....not ME.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Lately I've been scheming and trying to figure out how we're going to raise the money we need. I've been running specials for photography, signed up to have booths at several craft events, I've been making hair clips, etc. None of it has been going good! Usually I'm turning away clients for photo shoots....now I can't book one to save my life. I've been very prideful in so many ways. Somehow I think I know what's best and that I can make things happen with my words or actions.

The fact of the matter is that every good thing is from Him. It's not because I deserve it or because of something I did. Believe me...I don't want what I deserve! I am so thankful for His grace. I'm not worthy to be blessed with these two precious children...it's only because of His grace that I get to be a part of this adoption. I'm not worthy of how He has provided over and over. It's only by His grace and his amazing love. He's been so generous! He's so faithful.

Is. 64:6

All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

If God has put adoption on your heart, please don't let things like money stop you. Adoption is so far beyond us! Adoption is God's idea...He came up with it and He calls us to it. HE will make a way!

I struggle with feeling like I'm asking for handouts or I'm not doing enough to raise this money. I don't deserve generous gifts from people. But, this is how He gets the glory! I have to remember that it's not about me and I can't do it. Only He can and this is an opportunity to worship Him and show others how much he loves us and these precious children.

2 Cor. 12:9....his strength is made perfect in our weakness!