The Bowling Family

Crafty Stuff!

2012-01-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

I started working on this project weeks ago and just now felt good enough to be able to finish it. I feel like Ephesians 3:15-19 has become my prayer for my family. I'm happy to have this reminder in my home. :)

The boys made some little valentine's trees with their handprints and fingerprints. Stole this from pinterest:)

Ethan is going to Ghana!!!!

2012-01-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we headed to our appt at the health dept. to get Ethan's travel vaccines. It's a long story, but, he could not get it there and they would not be able to give it to him in time for him to go on the trip. We wasted hours and hours in the car and accomplished ZERO.

SOOOOO.....I freaked, panicked, flipped out on my kids, and apologized over and over for my BAD attitude! Then, as we did our family devotions...the title was "Do Not Worship Your Worries". Ha! I immediately slinked down in the couch and was embarrassed because that's exactly what I had done all day long! Meanwhile, my 7 year old continued to have a wonderful attitude. He even wanted to get his shots knowing he did not have enough money to go on the trip. He kept saying he felt like God was telling him he should go to Ghana and if it wasn't now, then maybe another time.

I got up this morning and only one place could get us in for his shots and it was in Nashville! So we went and got his shots! It felt good to get that taken care of. He was tough. I almost cried when I got the yellow fever shot...it HURTS! He only cried a little. :)

Since we were in Nashville and we cannot seem to get to 100 days of school....we found a little museum that was free and pretty cool. It was an agricultural museum that had great exhibits, indoors and out. I don't care what anybody says...it's counting for a day of school!

So...Ethan has his visa, shots, but is lacking about 7 or 800 dollars. When we checked the mail this evening...there was something for Ethan (we knew this was coming, but, he did not). Some friends of ours called last week and said that God told them to give Ethan $750!!!! This brought me to tears because it's such a huge amount anyways, but, this is a young couple in the process of adopting 2 girls! What a sacrifice!!!! I'm so thankful for people that are such an amazing example to us and our children! It moves me to see how much God loves Ethan. I know this has done so much for his heart. God is so good!!!!

Here is Ethan's reaction! My boys are so goofy!

Also, we had our visa interview this morning. It went well except for a few things that are needed. Our POA will take those to the embassy on Thursday and hopefully they will print our visas quickly!!!

2012-01-26T18:41:00.000-08:00

I cannot wait until we do not have to be apart any longer! I'm SO, SO thankful for the huge blessing of getting to skype with our kids. While, I'm thankful for that, I just want to have them here with us. I was so afraid our little guy was going to forget me. I pray he hasn't. Hopefully skyping every once in awhile helps him remember. I also can't wait for all four of the kids to meet each other in person.

Christy loves to make us laugh!

Blowing kisses!

Basketball

2012-01-26T17:35:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up and felt WONDERFUL! It's the first day where I haven't felt nauseous and like I had to drag myself out of bed. I had energy and felt like I could do what needed to be done. I was a little sore because I moved our bedroom furniture around the night before...but, other than that it was glorious! This recovery has been rough and frustrating. Our kids could be home in the next couple of weeks and I have not been able to do anything to get ready for them. It's like nesting when you're pregnant...my mind is going crazy with all this stuff I need and want to do, but, my body won't do it! So, now I'm going crazy! I cleaned the carpets, took stuff to Salvation Army, etc. It feels so good...I should say "felt" good...I'm kind of thinking I overdid it now.

We've been having fun watching Ethan play basketball. He's doing upward so it's really laid back. His coach is great. It's a great learning experience for them. Watching Ethan reminds me so much of myself. I really had to work at sports but I really enjoyed them. He's doing really good. I remember my parents and coaches having to tell me over and over to be aggressive and fight for the ball. I think it's going to be the same with Ethan. He's just too nice! :) It reminds me of a time he came to me crying at Water Angels one day. He told me that this kid wouldn't get off of him and kept hitting him in the face so, "I just HAD to hit him". He's such a good kid. Love this guy!

Progress

2012-01-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

We are so excited!! It seems like we are SO close to bringing our kiddos home. So many people ask when they'll be here, and it's so hard to explain because there are so many little steps along the way. Like, just to get their visas from the US Embassy, we have to wait on an email saying our I-600 has been approved, then, wait on an email saying our visa packet can be picked up. Next, we wait on an email saying we have a exit interview appointment and then we'll have a date for our visas to actually be printed. The time in between each of those things seems like FOREVER and it's really unpredictable how long it will take. My mom is in country so she's actually gone and tried to pick up our packet without THE email. They wouldn't even let her in the embassy without it. RIght now things are moving very quickly and it's likely our kids could be home in the next few weeks. Our visa exit interview is January 31st!!!! On that day, we should get a date that our visas will be printed (that is when you can bring them home) and it's been taking anywhere from a few days to a couple of months! RIght now it's about 1-2 weeks out.

Chad is going to go on this trip. He's so excited to go back. Ethan is really wanting to go as well. He's been saving up his money for so long. For almost a year he has not spent his allowance on anything. It goes straight to his savings for a plane ticket. When I ask him why he wants to go he says he wants to read his Bible to the kids. He will randomly thinks about things he could do with "the kids". It's really sweet. The other day we were in Walmart and he asked if we could go look around the toy section. I told him I was not going to buy any toys and asked why he wanted to. He said, "Well, sometimes I get tempted to spend my money on some toys, I'm not going to, I just get tempted to sometimes." I told him we could go look and he could spend some of his money if he wanted to, but, he decided against it. He knows the trip is fast approaching and I talked with him about he doesn't have enough money yet. He said, "Well, maybe God wants me to do something else with that money". His attitude has just really blown me away. I probably would have thrown a fit and said something like, "that's not fair!"....well, at least I would have thought it. My heart just wants to find a way so bad for him to go. Chad and I are praying about it. We just about have our money for the pick up trip. We're praying if it's God's will that He will make a way. If it's not, I pray He'll show Ethan what he should do with the money he's saved and that's been given to him.

The other part of the story that touches my heart is that Luke has also put every dime he earns in Ethan's jar or in a jar that's for food for the orphans. He also has not spent his money on himself. This does cause problems sometimes though. We've tried to use Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr. that uses commission and fines. I don't like to use it for character or a lot of behavior issues. I feel like that doesn't get to the heart of the matter and I don't want my kids to "be good" to earn money. Anyways....Luke is famous for taking VERY long showers. I gave him a time limit and told him for every minute after that he would be fined so that he could help pay the water bill. He very sincerely said, "Mom, but that's for food for the orphans!". I couldn't help but laugh! I told him he better hurry up and get out then! :)

The other morning the boys got up before me and scrubbed the toilet, sink, cleaned up the living room, kitchen, dusted the furniture....I just stood there wondering what was going on. I said, "wow!!! Why did you do all this???". I expected to hear that it was because of how much they loved me, but, they just said emphatically, "We need more money!". I cracked up. But, then, I thought about what that money was for...not them. I wanted to cry. I can learn a lot from my boys!

"What a Blessing You Are"

2012-01-13T18:22:00.000-08:00

I came across this blog post today. It was so refreshing to read this...

"I know those people mean well, and it is true that God has blessed Alyosha with a loving family. But something in those phrases negates the fact that we are blessed by him. Like we are just a couple of long-suffering saints who are raising the orphan because we're so pious. Like he doesn't have to put up with our junk, sins, imperfections, every day. Gag.

The middlewoman-mom-daughter at Panera hit the nail on the head. Our son is a blessing, and we are the humble and grateful recipients. We hope to be a blessing to him too- but because that's how families work, not because we are superheros."

Chad and I have been talking about comments that are already being made and our kids aren't here yet. We know that everyone is well-meaning, and I know for a fact I have said some of the same exact things that make me cringe now. I've become more aware of how adoption, children, and adoptive parents are perceived lately...and the comments that come along with those perceptions. I've been trying to put myself in my children's shoes...adopted and biological...and realizing how certain comments might make them feel. Like when people say they don't know how we do it, two kids is enough for them, those are some lucky kids, etc...I can imagine that it might make our kids feel like a burden. I'm sure as they get older those comments will be frustrating or annoying. For me...it's uncomfortable. As a mom, I struggle on a daily basis. I've brought my kids to tears. I've failed them time and again. I will continue to do that. But, hopefully, by God's grace, we have a loving family where we are growing in Him daily, loving each other the best we can, and striving to serve Him with our whole hearts. Like this mother says...I want to be a blessing to my children...desperately...because I love them so much. And I can only do that because God loves me so much! Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without my kids..all four of them....and 2 aren't even here yet. They are a huge blessing to us and I want them to always know that. They are a gift and they are treasured! I just pray that others will see that about them and speak that into their lives.

Gotta Love Boys

2012-01-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

I love my boys so much! They are so much fun and so sweet.   I still think about what Luke said last week about how he was going to marry me when he grows up and it melts my heart every time.   The boys were really worried about me and have been so sweet to me.

They are used to being able to be pretty rough with me.   I'll get down and roughhouse with them, wrestle around, and all that.    They have been known to jump on me from on top of the furniture with no notice...almost knocking me over.   They love for me to drag them around on the wood floors as they hold onto my feet.   They jump from the top bunk into my arms, get me on the floor and tackle me.....they don't really hold back with me.   They both love to be on my lap whenever I'm sitting down...whichever boy didn't make it to my lap first is usually on top of my head somehow.   Sometimes it's a little overwhelming...but, really, I love it. I know that before too long I won't be able to hold them, wrestle them down, and they won't want to be on top of me all the time.

Anyways, since I've been home, Chad has had some serious conversations with them about how they cannot be doing that now...that they could seriously hurt me since I've just had surgery. They have been so sweet!   They still climb up on my lap, but, are so gentle.

Instead of jumping on me....they hide around corners and when I walk into a room, they scream at the top of their sweet little lungs and scare me half to death!   Or they throw something at my head. Or...lunge at my stomach with their light sabers and stop within an inch of my incision!!!   All the while, they are cracking up laughing and having the time of their lives!   My reactions are probably pretty comical since I'm so drugged up right now.

My mom called and let me skype with our little guy a while ago...she thought it would cheer me up. It was so funny because he was sitting on her lap and it looked like he was rubbing the side of her face. I said, "awww...he's so sweet" and before it was out of my mouth he had yanked her earring!   I guess boys around the world are all the same!    I just love 'em!

Growing Deep Roots

2012-01-11T23:51:00.000-08:00

Wow...remember when I said I was learning to let go of my expectations??? Yup...still learning. For some reason I thought that this new year was all of a sudden going to be smooth sailing, trial free, and only full of joyous moments. Nope...I was wrong!

Back in September we went through a miscarriage and then found out I had been pregnant with twins when my tube ruptured I came very close to dying. You can read about that here. It's been a process of grieving the loss of two precious babies. We had just decided that when it warms up we are going to plant an area of flowers or something in their memory. It's hard not knowing if they are girls or boys, so you can't name them. I have hated feeling I have done nothing for them. Our boys still talk about the babies and wish that they were here. After my surgery, the doctor told us that getting pregnant would be fine and that my one remaining tube was in good shape. Well, a couple of weeks ago I started having some severe pain...much like when I rushed to the ER in September. But, I was also having bleeding so it never entered my mind that I could be pregnant. Monday night I started having excruciating pain again. Chad stayed home and insisted that he take me to the ER. I refused. I literally pounded my fist and cried. I was so mad that I was going through this. I'm tired of being in the middle of crisis'. I'm tired of being stressed about medical bills! I didn't want to be away from my boys again. I just thought I'd sleep it off and call my dr. in the morning. I am stubborn. But, I think more than that, I am just plain stupid! After what happened before, I still can't believe that I didn't go to the ER.

So, the next morning I called the dr. I went and had co-op with some friends. I was not feeling well at all, but, haven't for awhile. I've just been trying to ignore what was going on. So, I got into the dr. Tuesday afternoon. I told the nurse what was going on and she said something was telling her to do a pregnancy test. I just went with it. Then...I started to get excited. I could be pregnant. And then it hit me...if I am, it's the same situation as before. She came back and told me it was positive. I just covered my face and sobbed. I could not believe this was happening again. Another baby lost! Another major surgery to recover from!

I was taken for a quick ultrasound and exam. Sure enough...I had another ruptured tubal pregnancy. I was taken back for surgery pretty quickly. They tried to do things laproscopically, but, there was too much scar tissue. So, I have another huge incision that is having problems. I have to go back in tomorrow to have it checked out and they are hoping the problems will have resolved so I don't have to be opened up again.

Honestly, I am struggling. I was in the Family Birthing Center so I sat there listening to all of these newborns crying and congratulations to all the excited new parents. It was just hard. It's final now. I will never be able to get pregnant again. I watched my boys tear up as we told them the news. We told them again how now we have 3 babies we will get to meet in heaven one day and they are with Jesus. Ethan said, "I know they have a good life now, but I'd rather have them here." Me too buddy. I am struggling with being cut open again. I just have to try not to think about or I just get so frustrated. It's like going through a c-section, but, when you come out, you have no baby to hold. It stinks!

I know I sound terrible. But, I am being completely honest. I've been constantly thanking God for his grace. With an attitude like mine, I don't deserve it. But, He gives it so freely. I should be dead! I'm not though. I'm sitting in my home alive and well. I'm still able to hug my boys. We got one step closer to bring Christy and Moses home today. Just a couple more steps to go. I am thankful for these things, I really am. I treasure them even more now. I'm more thankful to God than ever. He has brought me through again...even in my stubborness...and stupidity! He is so good to us! He is such a loving God. He is holy and sovereign. It's funny because Monday afternoon I sat down at the piano and played "You are Still Holy" by Rita Springer, and sang my heart out to God. I was fighting some discouragement about adoption stuff. I was just telling GOd that I know H is sovereign and I trust His plan and His will. Then, Monday night, right before all of this started, I began working on something to display in our home. I really wanted to display a certain verse...it's been on my heart and I feel it's for our family this year. I'm more determined than every to finish it now.

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s marvelous love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

This is my prayer for our family. And I know that we are not going to develop deep roots unless we are tested and go through hard things. That's why we're told to "count it all joy" when we go through trials. I'm having a hard time with that part right now, but, I do have peace from God. He is my comforter. I know that He is holding our babies. I know that He is holding us and loving us through this. If this is how our roots are going to go deep...than so be it.

2012-01-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited about what this year holds...well, hopefully! One thing I've STARTED learning over the past year, is to let go of my expectations and let God have His way. I'm learning that I can have a plan...but, that doesn't mean it will happen.

2011 was a LONG year! It had it's ups and downs. We were into our adoption process, thinking the kids should be home in September. Well...here we are in January and they are not home...but, I'm actually ok with that...most days. I know God is in control and He's given us such a peace. But, I wouldn't be being completely honest if I didn't say that there are those days that I just scream because I can't stand the waiting and uncertainty anymore. I'm thankful that my Savior is gracious and patient. I'm thankful for what He has brought us through and the ways He has blessed us. Here's a brief overview of our year:

*Chad got to take a trip to Ghana to meet our children.

*Adoptions in Ghana were threatened to be stopped.

*We were blessed countless times by people's generosity...sometimes from strangers. God has taught us that He will provide if we obey.

*In August, my car broke down and the repair was beyond our means.

* Chad got a job promotion!!!!

* We found out I was pregnant!!! We went from shock to sheer joy!

*At our first doctors appt. we found out that we would probably lose our baby. After fighting for and praying for our baby for a few weeks, we did lose her/him.

* Chad broke his foot and his job wouldn't allow him to come back to work until he was 100% We wondered what God was thinking!!!!

*MY mom was selling everything to move to Africa for 9 months and she stayed with us for 3 weeks.

*After almost losing my life, it was discovered that I was actually carrying twins and one was tubal and had ruptured. Another huge loss. Another huge testimony of God's faithfulness....my mom was there to rush me to the hospital when this happened...otherwise I probably would have stayed at home with Chad (and his broken foot) and the boys...and bled to death.

*We had a huge outpouring from our church and lifegroup. We were handed a huge sum of money, our pantry was stocked, meals were brought daily for weeks, and our house had been cleaned when I got out of the hospital.

*In October my mom left for 9 months! This was really hard on all of the grandkids...but, she is with her other two grandkids!

*November 8th we finally passed court and the kids are legally ours!

*I got to go to Ghana for 2 weeks since Chad is off work anyways! :)

*In December we were blown away when a friend handed us an $800 check for our adoption...just the amount needed for our visa fees!
*Thinking we would now be moving very quickly toward bringing our kids home, new developments are discouraging and it make take longer than we thought.

As is the case with several events in my life...I would never ask to go through some of the things we have been through...but, I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I've learned so much. I've gotten to experience the "peace that passes all understanding". I've had comfort while experiencing the greatest pain of my life. I've seen God's hand at work in the details of my life. He has shown us His love like never before...it is breathtaking...extravagant. He lavishes it on us freely. My prayer for this year is that our family would have roots that go down deep and that we would truly know the depths of His love. I pray we would not keep that love to ourselves, but learn to love others the way He loves us....sacrificially, with grace, with my whole heart and selflessly. I struggle with all of these on a daily basis! I want "me time". I want to hold grudges. I want to be comfortable. When I look at how He has adopted me into His family....when I am so undeserving...I have to seek this with my whole heart!

Ephesians 3:14-19

For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family^a in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Seven Islands Wildlife Refuge

2011-12-29T20:35:00.000-08:00

Today we decided to take a drive and get out of the house. It was a gorgeous day! We headed out to Seven Islands and took a long walk. We stopped often to examine animal tracks, scat, and other fun things. It was nice to just have this quiet downtime to explore as a family. I hate pictures of myself, but I am trying to get more pictures of me with the kids. I know I'll regret it later if I don't. We had some really sweet moments. Ethan kept trying to take pictures of just Chad and I, but, Luke kept butting in every time. I didn't think much of it. But, in the car on the way home, he said, "Mama...can someone who is already married get married again?". I explained that you can only be married to one person. He said, "Well...when I grow up and I am GONNA marry you." MELT. MY. HEART! He is so sweet and that made me feel so good. It took me off guard because my boys love their daddy! And I love that! I know that they should want to be with him and like him. But, I sure love knowing that they really love me. :)

Daddy and the boys looking at animal tracks.

Scat that Luke touched and examined before we got to it.

The boys were amazed by these thorns!

2011-12-29T05:45:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe it...but, I did not take one single picture on Christmas day! This Christmas season has been a strange one. I have struggled to be totally engaged in things here since I returned from Africa. Things just don't seem right. Christmas was especially weird. We skyped with Mom and the kids a couple of times and all of our extended family got to see the kids and tell them "Merry Christmas". It was good...but, every time we see them, it makes my heart ache more for them to with us. The boys are feeling it too. Ethan has periodically let out a frustrated, "UGGGHHH....I just want them to be here!". It is a good opportunity for us all to learn to trust God's timing and to be patient.

Still, the boys and I have had a good time this month. We made some salt/flour/cinnamon ornaments. The love making these. We also made some dried cinnamon oranges. Our house smelled so good and we made some precious memories.

On the Sunday before Christmas, we took part in Water Angels' Christmas service. It's always so neat. The people seem more grateful than usual and more peaceful. Stephanie, at Water Angels, pours her whole heart out into these people. The kids all received arms full of toys, a good meal, and they had the Gospel shared with them. Everyone also received a new pair of shoes.

Some shared their testimonies.

This little girl stole my heart and made me think. Can you imagine your children living on the streets? Sleeping in a shelter if possible. Finding food for your kids wherever you can? I thought about how I'm concerned about what my kids wear....how they're dressed and how they look. I think I may be a little too concerned with that sometimes when there are kids all over feeling the pangs of hunger, wearing clothes that don't fit, haven't bathed or brushed their teeth, and don't have a bed to sleep in. Not to mention all of the innocent children that will die today from starvation or water borne illnesses.

Christmas morning we spent downtown giving out a hot breakfast and then hanging out with some of our buddies from there. Then we spent the rest of the day with family. Christmas this year feels strange. Maybe it's because I just spent two weeks in Africa, getting to know my kids,leaving them, and then coming back to America...where, even our homeless don't starve. I guess I just miss my kids and I've seen how others live and I'm struggling with how to live my life here. I don't want to be the same. I want it to really be about Christ and what He told us to be about.

I really struggled this year with Christmas. We tell our kids...and ourselves...that its all about Jesus. Yet, our kids make out their lists and expect to get everything or a good portion of the stuff. We have to clean out all of the excess toys to make room for the new excess. I love to give my kids gifts! But, as I've tried to make this REALLY, REALLY about HIM....I have felt convicted that He would not want me to waste so much on such unnecessary stuff. Toys that will be lost, forgotten about, broken in no time. And then added to the heap before next Christmas to make room for the new. We've used the excuse....for Jesus' birthday...we give gifts to each other. I feel so ashamed of saying that now. It goes so against how Christ lived and what He taught. Do I really think He cares if my kids get new video games, trucks, movies, etc...when there are kids going without food and water?

We did not get our kids or each other one single gift this year. I knew it was what we were supposed to do...but, honestly...I still wanted to go splurge on my kids. I was a little sad. But, it's about Him, right?

I want to honor Christ. I don't want our society to be my standard. I want what Christ preached to be what I measure myself up to...otherwise, it's watered down and it's about me.

Approved!

2011-12-20T12:55:00.000-08:00

Today we received a HUGE APPROVAL! When I recently traveled to Ghana I filed our I-600. We were not expecting an approval for another month and a half or so. But, after just 23 days...we got our approval! This means our kids could potentially come home in a month! I'm still in shock. When I opened the email I started crying and laughing and had to read it over and over. Then I had to call my friend and make sure it said what I thought it did! I kind of lost control screaming and running around. The boys came running and when I told them the news they started jumping up and down! We are SO CLOSE! I know there could still be obstacles...but, I'm thankful God has brought us this huge step closer! We cannot wait until we're all together at last!

Tears

2011-12-05T04:22:00.001-08:00

I see tears streaming down her face and I cannot hold back my own.

Her wounded heart....no one should have to know such pain.

Her laughter hides deep sorrow.

Her hardness...it's only hiding great fears.

Trust? She cannot comprehend the meaning of the word...for she has been betrayed.

Hopeless...no...she has hope.

Yet she guards herself, for her hopes have been crushed before.

And now...she has the answer to her prayers but it seems, still, so far away.

An aching heart...lonely and afraid.

How can one little heart handle so much?

How will these wounds heal?

It is not because of me.

I have held her...and left her.

But there is one who holds her still.

His great arms of love and compassion are wrapped around her.

He sees her tears.

Her cries do not go unheard.

She is loved...with a deep, endless, indescribable love.

She has a father.

He sees her as precious, beautiful, worthy...a treasure.

She has captured His heart.

I love her deeply.

Yet, this love I feel for her...it cannot compare.

Psalm 68:5

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Psalm 56:8

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

2011-12-03T04:57:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago, we decided that I should go to Ghana to file paperwork for our adoption. I was so excited! It was like when you're pregnant and are about to meet your baby for the first time. The long trip over was so worth it! At the airport, I was quickly introduced to some of the corruption in Ghana. One of the customs workers threatened to search my bags if I did not give her my chocolate, toffee, and chewing gum. Luckily all of the snacks for my mom and the kids were hidden well and I had pack of gum handy. I handed it over and my bags were quickly zipped up and I was sent on my way (I didn't have anything to hide! Just wanted to go see my kids and not have to unpack and pack again!). I was then greeted by my mom and our POA. It was great to see her! We hopped in the taxi and headed to the orphanage. Ghana was a lot like I had pictured. It was VERY hot and humid. THe driving is absolutely insane. The people are beautiful and friendly for the most part.

On the way, mom told me that she was telling Christy that she was going to the airport to pick me up. Christy just kept saying, "She's not coming". Poor thing has to have her guard up so much!

Well, when I opened the gate...before I could take more than 2 steps...she hit my legs and wrapped herself around them! It was precious. I didn't even see her coming! Then there was Bernard. I just hugged them as tight as I could. It was better than I could have imagined to finally be with them! There were several times that Christy and I just looked deep into each other's eyes for a long time. There was such a flood of emotions.

Then other children started to approach. It was so exciting to finally meet these children that I felt I already knew! I started to yell their names and hug them....they just looked at me like I was crazy! I loved being able to love on them all.

I sat and held Bernard and he fell asleep in my arms pretty quickly! One of the highlights of my trip.

The kids all sang and danced for me. They are beautiful, beautiful children. Some of them seem hopeless. Some are full of joy and life.

Sidenote:
As I sat and looked at each one of them. It hit me that not one of them HAD to be there! I know of enough families in my town alone....that if they would answer the call to adopt....there would be no orphans at this home! It's unnecessary for one single child there to not know the hope of Christ and the love of a family. I'm praying for people to rise up...do what is hard and uncomfortable. A few weeks ago when we were going through a hard time with our adoption...I was thinking how hard it is. I felt God spoke to my heart to stop whining. Yes...adoption is far from easy, it's unpredictable, and very expensive. But, all of these are such lame excuses compared to the lives that so many orphans are condemned to live if we do not adopt! I feel that we are without excuse! We think it's hard for us? It's not about US!

We headed to our hotel room. It was like we had always been together. I was amazed at how quickly we bonded. Immediately, Bernard wanted to start sleeping on my chest. He is cuddly and so sweet. He has the cutest little giggle and snorts when he laughs! He's also quite the little stinker. He's very smart and started repeating everything and said many new words while I was there.

Christy is gorgeous! She has amazing eyes. She's HILARIOUS! She's is stubborn and strong-willed. She has a beautiful heart and loves to give and share with her friends. She definitely tested me....and we had several embarrassing moments in public! lol. She brings such joy. Even our taxi drivers would make comments like, "she's very clever". They also had to tell her to be quiet and sit down! It seemed like everywhere we went people were either laughing at her or scolding her. I adore her. I adore them both and cannot wait until they are home.

We had so much fun. We went swimming, shopping, watched movies, and just hung out. As the time approached for me to leave, I started to prepare Christy. She never would accept it...just always said she would go with me.

My last day there...we hung out at the home for several hours. Her and Bernard both played with their friends. Bernard seemed to just forget about me when we were there. At the hotel I couldn't go in the bathroom without him banging on the door and crying for me. I thought he wouldn't even notice I was gone now. I grabbed him and hugged him and kissed him for awhile...but he just wanted to play. I took Christy in my mom's room and we talked and cried. She broke my heart. Her quiet cries spoke so much to me...she's waited too long. She needs to come home. When my taxi pulled up and hugged her one last time. My mom stayed there with her and I heard her cries turn to sobbing. I picked Bernard up and hugged and kissed him and sat him back down to play. As I started to get into the taxi he started screaming and ran to me. I grabbed him and tried to comfort him, but couldn't. SOmeone had to pull him off of me. I had to get in a car and leave with my babies crying out for me. It is more than I can handle. It feels SO WRONG! Nothing feels right now. I am struggling with feelings of guilt. I miss them so much. I want to be there for them....but I can't. I'm half a world away.

Please pray for our kids! Pray for our adoption to go smoothly and quickly. Pray for the rest of those children. Pray about what God would have you do.

Worth The Wait

2011-11-15T08:30:00.000-08:00

We have some amazing friends that purchased these t-shirts and sold them to benefit our adoption. We have several left and need to sell them to raise the last bit of money we need. We're hoping our children will be home in the next 3-4 months (of course you never really know)...but, we need to be ready with airfare and the rest of our fees.

If you are interested in one of these shirts just send me an email at stephbowling@gmail.com.

We have 2T up to adult sizes.

(we are out of adult small and medium)

Shirts are $20 each

Veterans Day Parade

2011-11-12T06:22:00.001-08:00

Officially A Family of Six!

2011-11-08T12:56:00.000-08:00

We have been waiting for this day for months! We have experienced so many ups and downs. It has seemed like at the beginning of every week we would get our hopes up. Then, at the end of the week we were so disappointed. First we waited for our papers to be signed so we could get a court date. That was a huge hurdle and sometimes it felt like it would never happen. Once it did, we waited for court. We were told several times that we were going to court on ...... only for it to not happen. So, this morning, I had decided to not think about it (yeah, right). I got up to have my quiet time. The longer I was up the more my stomach was in knots. I was afraid to get my hopes up again. I prayed for God to help me to trust Him and have peace in His will...even if it didn't seem best to me.

Then...I called my mom. She told me the kids were on their way to court and the judge was in...which is another big hurdle! Aggghhh. I could've screamed with excitement! But...I still didn't want to be too hopeful. A few hours later, over skype, my mom told us we passed! We are officially a family of 6. We have two new beautiful children added to our family. What a huge blessing! I have such unexplainable joy right now. Several other families also passed court today. It's so sobering to think about these precious children. They had no "family". They wanted a mommy and daddy so bad. Today, their entire future has changed! God is answering their prayers. He is setting the lonely in families.

He is a God who keeps His promises!!!!

We have never walked alone in this and neither have these precious children.

We still have a little ways to go. It will probably take a few months before we can bring them home. But, by the grace of God, they are now a part of our family!

I will leave next week to go and meet them and file paperwork.

Meet....Christiana Renee' NaaKoshie Bowling and Moses Bernard Bowling!

Great Opportunity!

2011-11-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

Gifts for Good is a great opportunity for you to come and purchase some great items and support orphan care and adoption at the same time! There are going to be several families selling handmade items,

t shirts and merchandise from Ghana. Come and check it out!

School

2011-10-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

We are finally getting back into our school routine. I'm feeling better and we're getting used to all being home together. Chad's helping out a lot with school. We're doing Five In a Row right now and loving it. Right now we are reading through Lentil and we've loved the story and using it for science, history, literature, and art. Our favorite part has been doing school outside! It's so much more fun that way.

I was just sitting and playing around with the fall colors. :)

A friend posted a link to a blog and we've had so much fun using some of their ideas. The boys played with these water beads for hours!

Stubborn

2011-10-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

My boys both have a stubborn streak. For awhile, meal times have been a battle with Luke.

First of all...he can't seem to stop using his shirt instead of a napkin. So, we made him take his shirt off at mealtime. We'll see if that works.

Secondly, he either just "isn't hungry" or he wants to talk and play the whole time.

Last night, he "wasn't hungry" so he had to sit there until he ate his food. He ended up sitting there until almost bedtime and missed out on playing games.

He's always been the kind of kid that, if he doesn't want to do something...well, the consequences are well worth it to him.

This parenting business has a way of making me very desperate for God's grace and wisdom!

It's a daily battle to make sure I'm shepherding my children's hearts instead of just handing out consequences for things that are inconvenient for me. I'm thankful God is patient with me...I really blow it most days.

Fall Fun!

2011-10-18T04:17:00.000-07:00

2011-10-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

I am loving this fall weather. I'm finally feeling back to normal and can actually enjoy it. The boys have been outside most of the time. They've been drawing their own maps and going on hunts out in the woods. They've also been up in trees much of the day. The other day I went out to check on Luke. I couldn't see him so I yelled for him..."Luke! What are you doing?" He answered, "I'm going to the bathroom!". I still couldn't tell where he was so I yelled, "Where are you?". He said, "I'm up in this tree!". I finally spotted him way up in a tree...as high as the power lines...using the bathroom! Having boys is always entertaining!

Last week the boys got to take part in a bike rodeo with our cub scout pack. They had a blast and got to learn a lot about bike safety.

Orphan Sunday

2011-10-11T15:04:00.000-07:00

Every year Orphan Sunday is an awesome opportunity to bring awareness about orphans all around the world. Here is a great video...please watch and share it!

Orphan Sunday 2011 from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Also, this year we are taking part in Change for a Change. We're collecting coins and turning them in on Orphan Sunday. All the money raised will go to provide clean water to those need! If you would like to get involved get more info here : http://feedingtheorphans.com/

Mud Fight!

2011-10-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

The boys have been digging a hole in our backyard for awhile. Yesterday they decided to fill it with water and have some fun in the mud! They were in heaven....until they got cold and had to strip down outside to go in and take a shower. :)

Luke wasn't happy when it got slung in his face!

Holding Me To It...

2011-10-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

I was just reading back over this post. As I was reading, I felt like God was maybe holding me to what I said. Maybe that's not how God works....but, I think it's been good to reflect on what God was doing in me a couple of weeks ago in light of what has happened recently. 10 days ago was the worst day of my life. I truly thought I was going to die...and I think a lot of other people did too. It was a time where I felt desperate to say good-bye to my children, but, I couldn't even do that. I just laid there dying, begging God to spare my life. I've never experienced anything like that before. It gives me a sick feeling even to think about it and the tears start to well up. However, in the midst of that, God has been so good. Prayer warriors came to the hospital and fought a spiritual battle for my life. God woke people up to pray for me and they didn't even know what was going on. I was so thankful to wake up the next morning. At the same time, I was dealt another blow...I had lost another child. I've had to grieve the fact that I've lost a set of twins. It breaks my heart. I've had to give that to God. A friend of mine that lost a twin shared that God really had to impress on her heart that he wasn't meant for this earth. Realizing the hope that we have, really has taken the sting out of death. We will meet our babies one day.

This whole ordeal made me realize that I still have a tight grip on things. I don't want to let go and hand things over to Him...not my boys here or my kids across the ocean. I beg him for things to be done the way I think best. It scares me to pray for His will to be done...and leave it at that.

I pray that as these storms have come and pelted us with some heavy rains, that our faith has grown deeper. That my trust in Him is stronger. That I will know that His ways are best. He is so good. I can't imagine going through times like this without my savior. His love is overwhelming and I am so thankful for His grace. We don't deserve the love that has been poured out on us....but grace.

Sacrifice

2011-10-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

Today we said good-bye to my mom for 9 months! She has answered the call of God on her life and is going to spend the next 9 months in an orphanage, pouring herself out every single day.

Today she said a hard good-bye to 8 grandkids who adore her. It was so sad to watch our kids cry from the bottoms of their hearts for their mamaw. She is the best mamaw there is. She's the kind that gets down and plays with them, and really invests in their lives. It was really hard on them and her. At the same time...it's so exciting! She's going to be meeting two of her grandchildren for the first time. It's exciting that all of the children in that orphanage will get to experience that love that she has to give. I'm thankful that my kids have a godly example before them. Someone who is willing to sell their STUFF and sacrifice being with the ones she loves, to go and show the love of God to children across the world.

Please pray for her. It's not going to be easy. If you would like to give or any more information check out http://feedingtheorphans.com/ or http://lolacrain.blogspot.com/

2011-09-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in the hospital, waiting to be released. A flood of emotions is kind of coming over me. 4 days ago I thought I was going to die. I had passed out on the hospital floor 3 times before they realized how bad I was. Finally I was sent for a cat scan...I remember crying out in pain from breathing or the least little movement. I remember laying on the hospital bed shaking uncontrollably, bright lights in my eyes, doctors and nurses all around me, hearing how dangerously low my blood pressure was and how much blood I had lost. As I was laying there, in and out, the doctor was trying to prepare me for what was going to happen. All that I could think of was that I didn't tell my boys goodbye or that I love them. I wanted to scream out for them but I couldn't. I thought of our kids in Africa...I didn't want them to lose another mommy. I just kept begging God..."please don't let me die, please don't let me die" . Then I woke up to someone telling me that I had ben pregnant with twins and one was tubal and had ruptured. Wow...I've lost 2 babies. There was instant rush of questions just like when I lost the first one. Would they be boys/girls/both? What would the look like? etc. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. As I think about the fact that I could be dead. It's such a strange feeling. My life is so fragile...yet, He holds it in His hands. I thought I had been learning to let go...but, man...the thought of leaving my children. It's almost unbearable. Now, learning to let go of the children I have lost. It's hard. But, I'm still so thankful. I'm thankful to even be alive. I'm ready to go be with the blessings God has allowed me...and it's more than I deserve.

I'm so thankful for everyone has been praying, bringing food, cleaning our house, etc. I honestly don't know what we would do without it. Chad and I are both pretty useless right now. It's almost laughable. Pray we glean everything from this time that he wants us to.

Surrender/Trust

2011-09-27T05:49:00.001-07:00

This was written by Chad on Sunday:

Yesterday was a good day. I (Chad) have been immobile because of my broken foot, but considering that, we all had a great day as a family. Somewhere around 6pm, Stephanie said that she needed to lay down for a few minutes, because she wasn't feeling well (I was already laying down, foot elevated, on ice). She said that her stomach was bothering her, and it went from being very uncomfortable to excruciating pain quickly. I asked her to try to describe the pain, and she could hardly talk through her tears and being out of breath. She said that it was pain like she had never had before. We knew that it was serious.

Just 10-12 days prior we found out that we lost our baby through miscarriage. We had made the decision no to do a DNC, because the procedure just seemed that it would be terribly traumatic. We did not know, however, that the alternative would be even more traumatic.... but that's a whole other story.

So, although we were confident that everything had "passed" from the miscarriage, we were now starting to wonder if this stomach pain episode was related to it. We made the decision to go to the ER. Thank God Stephanie's mom Lola was there since neither one of us were able to drive. I stayed home with the boys.

Well... after several hours of waiting, with no word about anything, Lola offered to come and pick me up. My Mom came to watch the boys. We had hoped to be back at the hospital before the doctor told Stephanie the results of her CT Scan.... but we were too late. We asked her if she had heard anything and she said that she has internal bleeding. That definitely is not what we had hoped to hear. Her blood pressure was 78/40. Those two are definitely not a good combination. Especially when you don't know what the source of the internal bleeding is.

After the doctors and nurses did very extensive questioning to try to get an idea of what could have possibly triggered this, the only thing that we kept coming back to was the recent pregnancy. The doctor said that "theoretically" it is possible that a pregnancy in the uterus, like we had, which miscarried, could have had a twin, which didn't make it to the uterus. An ectopic pregnancy is when the fertilized egg does not make it to the uterus by traveling through the fallopian tube, but instead latches on to the fallopian tube. It becomes a ticking time-bomb because of its location, and eventually the fallopian tube ruptures.

The odds of having twins are about 3 in 100. The odds of having an ectopic pregnancy is 1 in 50 (both stats taken from About.com). The doctor said that the odds of having twins, with one being in the uterus and the other being ectopic is about 1 in 10,000. He had never known it to happen before, just knew that it was a very faint possibility.

They wanted to start the surgery as soon as possible. They knew that she had lost a whole lot of blood, and they sent for her to have some blood transfusion units from the blood bank. The blood bank said that it would not be able to get the blood to us as quickly as the doctor needed it, so they had to go into the emergency blood bank, which is Type O Negative (universal) blood, that they had on-site.

Stephanie was taken to surgery at approximately 1am. She was terrified (so was I). I would have given anything to trade places with her. The last time that she had surgery was with Luke's C-Section, which was not a good experience at all (once again, that's a whole other story). We prayed over her, with the surgeon present, and it was comforting to hear an "Amen" from him.

We waited in the Surgery Waiting Room for about 2 1/2 hours. There was lots, and lots, and lots of prayer. In and out of the waiting room. It is a very hard thing to surrender something. Especially something that you love. Especially something that you cherish and hold dear. Life without Stephanie is something that I cannot even allow my thoughts to explore. She is such an amazing wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. And although I wouldn't want to experience one minute of life without her, I had to give her to Jesus.

I did this in faith. I did it in faith that God is faithful. I did this knowing that three doctors were operating on my best friend with the odds of what they were looking for being 1 in 10,000. Although those numbers are not very good, I know that God is VERY GOOD. He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we could ever ask or think.

The good doctors came to the waiting room and gave us the news that she was in fact 1 of the 10,000. I think she's more like 1 in 1,000,000. The fallopian tube had ruptured. They vacuumed out 6 pints of blood that she had lost from internal bleeding. That's just an outrageously high amount of blood to lose. They had to remove one of her fallopian tubes. That was basically it. The surgery was very successful.

They gave her 3 pints of blood from transfusion. They said that she's young and healthy enough to come up with the other 3 on her own. It has just now been a little over 24 hours from when the initial pains began. Steph hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday, but she just finished an all-liquids dinner. She's looking much, much better as time progresses. She's getting color back. She looks alert. She's wanting to sit up.

The doctor said that leaving tomorrow is a possibility, but a more realistic day would be Tuesday. It all depends on her blood count levels getting back up to where they need to be, and her ability to keep regular foods down.

I cannot thank you enough for those of you who spent most of your night last night petitioning Heaven with me for Jesus to rescue my precious wife. He certainly did, and He is worthy of all praise and thanksgiving.

Faith of a Child

2011-09-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

I love my boys so much. They bring so much joy to my life. I'm so thankful I'm their mama. Lately, Ethan has really challenged me. God has really used him to speak exactly what I needed to hear. A few weeks ago my car broke down in Georgia. It was beyond repair...or way more than we could afford or thought the car was worth. On our way home, Ethan asked, "mama, when do you think we'll know why our car broke down?". I told him we'd have to wait to hear from the mechanics and they would tell us what was wrong with it. He said, "no, I mean, why do you think this is happening? Do you think God has a reason for it?" . Just the reminder I needed. :)

Well, today, we got bad news. Chad is not being allowed to return to work until his foot is all better, which the dr thinks will be about 12 weeks. We were shocked and it was quite a blow. Well, a couple of weeks ago I found out I was pregnant and then I lost the baby. Ethan was devastated...he was already coming up with names and talking to my belly. It was hard on him. Anyways...today he said, "mama...you know how the baby died? And now daddy's foot is broken? Well, now you can go to Africa and daddy can't. If that hadn't happened no one would be able to go pick up C and B.". It was a precious reminder to get my eyes on God. I don't know why all of this is happening...but, I do know that I need to have the faith of my 7 year old. Just knowing that God is working.

Luke has also been so sweet...in his own way, of course. My mom is staying with us until she leaves for Africa. She's staying in C's room. Well, anytime my mom dares to call it "my room", Luke quickly and as serious as can be says, "it's not your room...it's C's....you're just visiting." It's so funny. I love that he is already protective of his sister!

The Boys

2011-09-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

This is Luke...he is so fun! Look at him...he's literally scaling the walls!

His quote of the day was a comeback to Ethan..."oh yeah? Well...I see a stink bug in your ear....and it's POOPING!".

The boys were so sweet the other day. They brought a little "get well" gift and balloon home for Chad. They are really missing him since he's stuck in bed all day.

I'm Not OK

2011-09-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

This past few weeks have been kind of crazy around here....my car had to be scrapped due to burning up the motor, found out I was pregnant and then after a roller coaster of a few weeks, I lost the baby, and then, this weekend Chad broke his foot. I'm tired...physically and emotionally. I've been tempted to have a pity party. I feel sorry for myself that I've had to go without a car for a few weeks. It's been heartbreaking to lose a baby. It was a lot harder than I even imagined. Now...Chad is in constant pain and I'm his caretaker along with my boys. We don't know if he'll be able to work and if not...for how long? In case no one had noticed...this is REALLY bad timing because we're trying to bring our two other kiddos home. But, that pity party gets crashed very quickly when I am reminded how blessed I really am. When I look at the plight of people around me and around the world....suddenly things don't seem so bad. I have a car! I don't have to walk miles to get water for my kids to drink. I have a God who comforts me in my grief and He has surrounded me with friends who are such a huge support. I have a healthy husband with a good job! And....I have a God who is a faithful provider. HE is our all in all...not our employer. Sheesh! I feel so foolish and selfish when God puts it all into perspective for me. How am I doing??? I've been asked this question so many times lately and I feel this "poor me" mentality start to rise up. I just want to get my eyes off of myself. I think about my kids in a home a world away. My heart is breaking more everyday. I don't know how long I can wait for them. I feel like I just need to go grab them up RIGHT NOW. It breaks my heart to think of the fact that they are waiting too. How are they handling this waiting? I think of all of the children in such desperate conditions....no food or water, sickness and disease, sickening abuse, and so much more. And this is happening all around the world....and not so far from our back door.

Sometimes I want to feel sorry for myself because of the people around me that are hardened by prejudice and are hurtful and negative about adoption. When compared to the millions of orphans who have literally been abandoned and have NO ONE, or who have been sold into slavery by their family.....I think I'll be ok.

I don't want to be ok! I'm not ok with the way things are! I think it probably disgusts God to see me go about my daily life, in my comfortable home, with my fridge full of food, my kids toy boxes overflowing with toys, my dog eating better than a lot of people, my excessive waste of water.....when every 4 seconds someone dies of hunger. I'm not ok and I don't want to be. I don't want my kids to be. Lord break my heart! Move me to action!

"It is estimated there are between 143 million and 210 million orphans worldwide (recent UNICEF report.) The UNICEF orphan numbers DON’T include abandonment (millions of children) as well as sold and/or trafficked children. The current population of the United States is just a little over 300 million… to give you an idea of the enormity of the numbers…

According to data released in 2003 as many as eight million boys and girls around the world live in institutional care. Some studies have found that violence in residential institutions is six times higher than violence in foster care, and that children in group care are almost four times more likely to experience sexual abuse than children in family based care.

Every day 5,760 more children become orphans

Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…

Each year 14, 505, 000 children grow up as orphans and age out of the system by age sixteen

Each day 38,493 orphans age out

Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family to belong to and no place to call home

Studies have shown that 10% – 15% of these children commit suicide before they reach age eighteen

These studies also show that 60% of the girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become hardened criminals

Another study reported that of the 15,000 orphans aging out of state-run institutions every year, 10% committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years…

An estimated 1.2 million children are trafficked every year; (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)

2 million children, the majority of them girls, are sexually exploited in the multibillion-dollar commercial sex industry. (THE STATE OF THE WORLD’S CHILDREN 2005)"

From:

http://www.orphanhopeintl.org/facts-statistics/

Never a Dull Moment

2011-09-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend had had it's great moments....and some not-so-great ones.

This week was homeschool week at Wonderworks in Pigeon Forge. We went up there Friday night and stayed for hours. It was a blast. They have so much fun stuff for the kids and the adults. We went through the whole place once and then went all the way back to the beginning. I'm so thankful they do homeschool week because we get in super cheap!

Now for the bad news.....yesterday we were helping my mom move out of her house. Chad was up on the tailgate of his truck. When he stepped down he heard several cracks and felt LOTS of pain. After going to the ER, it was confirmed that he has broken his foot. We will find out this week if he needs surgery or not. Just praying he doesn't need surgery and trusting God that He will provide and bring a quick healing!

Bears!

2011-09-15T17:44:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. I've not been out of the house for a couple of days and my mom picked us up and took us to the mountains. I needed the distraction. I find that things hit me the hardest when I'm alone and have nothing to do. I start to think about the events of the past week. Then, I start to think about our kids in Africa. I'm getting so impatient lately. I just want them home now. It's been really frustrating....just waiting and being helpless...knowing what they're going through. While today was a good day...it seems like there is a huge hole in our family...even in our day to day routines. I cannot wait until we can make these trips as a whole family. This being still and knowing He is God....it takes practice!

We went to Cades Cove....it was great! It drizzled the whole time so it wasn't too busy. We didn't see much except for 7 bears! There were two mama bears and 5 cubs. All but two were way up high in an oak tree. I couldn't believe how high they could get or how far out on the limbs of that tree. I kept waiting for one to fall or for a branch to break. It was also really neat to watch the mama on the ground. She kept walking a circle around the tree...kind of marking her territory. One of the cubs kept jumping to the ground and she would snort at it and it would jump back up on the tree really quickly. It was so cute and kind of reminded me of me and my kids sometimes. The boys stood and just watched for a long time.

Thankful

2011-09-13T19:03:00.001-07:00

Still

2011-09-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

Today...I'm trying to be still and KNOW He is God. I've been sad, frustrated, and angry today. Frustrated and angry with others and myself. But, God has brought me close. He's been so good. I'm more thankful for His grace than ever. Right now I feel like I don't know anything. I don't know what's going to happen or why. But I know He is God...my God...and that's enough.

Am I JUST waiting?

2011-09-09T03:09:00.000-07:00

First, I just want to say that we are so blessed! What we are going through at this time pales in comparison to the things that people we know have gone through or are going through. Nonetheless, this is where God has us and we are going through some things that are painful and tough for us and for our kids.

A friend of mine gave me "Streams in the Desert" last week when we got some bad news. In reading, God's been showing me some things about myself. I already knew that I don't like to wait! I like to make something happen and not wait one more second than absolutely necessary. But...sometimes....you have no choice. We are in some situations in life right now where I have no choice but to WAIT. I can say...."We're just waiting on God....". But, in all reality....I'm waiting...because I have to, but, going crazy in the meantime...it has nothing to do with God!

Waiting is not RESTING. Resting is what I should be doing. Waiting doesn't necessarily mean I'm trusting God. Waiting doesn't mean that I'm developing character in a hard time. Right now, I'm helpless. There is nothing I can do. AT. ALL. But, I have a choice. I can choose to do what I do best....drive myself...and my husband....crazy and wear myself out. Or I can rest. Rest in God. Rest in the fact that He's got all of this. Rest knowing that He is sovereign. Rest because He loves us and all of our children. Rest because He knows exactly what's going on and He is SO much better at this than I am! Rest because He is my God.

I'm learning to rest. Life is so much better when I'm resting. I think that experiencing God in a new and fresh way has come from learning to rest. I think resting has meant stopping my insanity and allowing God to comfort me. To just be with Him....that's resting.

RESTING HAPPENS IN HIS PRESENCE!

Psalm 37:4 and 7

Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act.

Psalm 62:1,2

I wait quietly before God, for my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.

Psalm 63
verse 2:
I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory.

Strength comes from quietness and confidence in Him.

Isaiah 30:15

This is what the Sovereign Lord,
      the Holy One of Israel, says:
   “Only in returning to me
      and resting in me will you be saved.
   In quietness and confidence is your strength.
But you would have none of it.

Psalm 131

1 Lord, my heart is not proud;
      my eyes are not haughty.
   I don’t concern myself with matters too great
      or too awesome for me to grasp.
² Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
      like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
      Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

³ O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—

now and always.

This passage has really convicted me. It is prideful to think that I can handle these matters. There is so much joy and freedom when you stand in awe of God and choose to rest in Him. I'm seeking His grace to live with childlike faith and resting in Him.

Sovereign

2011-08-31T21:08:00.000-07:00

Sovereign : a supreme ruler

I say that I serve a sovereign God. I've said that for as long as I can remember. I've always said that God is faithful and good. I've always said that I trust God. Of course I've always wanted God's will for my life....and of course...my whole life is His.

I've said these things for as long as I can remember...and I thought that I really believed them. However, when my life would hit a bump in the road, I had a hard time recovering or getting over it. I questioned God, doubted Him, and I took steps away from Him. I'm learning that it's so easy for me to say these things....it's another thing to live them. I'm so thankful for God's grace! I've had so much unbelief, pride and so many other things in my heart. Yet, He still loves me and is teaching me.

Over the past year, our family has hit some major bumps in the road. When I look at what other people are going through it feels lame to say that, but, to us they have been some hard things to get through. But I think I'm finally learning what James 1 really means when it says to "count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds....". I don't ask for trials and I would never have asked for the ones we're going through, but I wouldn't go back and change anything if I could.

We are in the middle of adopting two beautiful children. We are so in love with them. I cannot wait to finally be with them. The waiting has been so hard at times. I've wanted to and at times have tried to make things happen on my own. I had a plan. I've since learned....God has THE plan....and it's perfect. I've recognized that I really have NO idea what lies ahead. I can plan all I want...but, ultimately...God is SOVEREIGN...and I'm so glad.

We were told a few months ago that someone was trying to stop adoptions where our children are. I was crushed and devastated. But, God has been so gracious and has met me where I am and has been growing my faith and trust in Him. I don't think I've ever had real, deep faith. I still don't, but, I know it's a lot deeper than it's ever been. I've had to learn to rest in Him. I've had to cling to His promises. I used to say, "all I can do is pray....". Now I'm seeing that all I NEED to do is pray!

We got some news a week and a half ago that was wonderful, but totally overwhelming. My immediate response was "God...NO!....You've got to be kidding me!". I guess I have some growing left to do. :) However, we have grown so excited about it! I realized instantly that I had written in my journal..."Lord, I want to live in a way that I'm absolutely desperate for you every single day". He answers prayers!

This weekend we were on our way to Georgia and got about 3 hours form home and 2 hours from our destination when our car broke down. We were on the side of the road for several hours and then sat at a McD's for several more hours. Usually I would have been mad and frustrated....and even though it was no one's fault...I would have found someone to direct it at! But I didn't realize until later that we had such a good time! It was hot and boring, but we were all joyful and good family time together. On our ride home Ethan said , "Mama...when do you think we'll find out why our car broke down?" I said we'd have to wait until the shop called us to tell us. He said, "No....I mean....like if God has a reason for it?". I was so thankful for the reminder. God is sovereign over everything.

A few days ago, we were hit with some bad news....the overwhelming yet wonderful news we'd received a week earlier....well, we were told that may not come to fruition. Again...I was devastated. I have been grieving these past few days....yet things are still up in the air so I've struggled with how to feel, think, and pray. I finally started praying for God to work a miracle. I know He is able. However, if he chooses to take this away, I trust Him. I trust that He is sovereign and He has a perfect will. This past few days I have felt God like never before. I have come to know things about God that I used to only know in my head. In my grieving, I have felt His presence comforting me in such a sweet way. It's unexplainable. I've really had a peace that surpasses all understanding. He has been so good to me! I feel my faith growing deeper. I don't understand His ways. Sometimes His will is not easy or what we would have chosen! Sometimes it's hard to pray for His will to be done....because I know it might really hurt! Will I say, like Job, "...the Lord gives and the Lord has taken away. BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD"? I hope that...by His grace I can say that. Trusting that He really, truly is sovereign. That He loves me deeply and His will is best. I'm learning that the best place to be in these times is in His presence, at His feet, as close to Him as I can get. He is Good!

It's been such a roller coaster of emotions. Today we got some exciting news about our adoption. Our case should be signed off on next week! So, it seems like forever, but, it really may only be a few more months til they are home! We cannot wait!

I just want to have childlike faith. I want to walk this road under the arm of my father. Knowing that He is protecting, leading, and loving me. I need only to lean on Him...to keep in step with Him...to love Him with everything I have. He will carry me through deep waters and raging fires. So thankful for His grace!

Holy, you are still holy
even when the darkness surrounds my life.
Sovereign, you are still sovereign
even when confusion has blinded my eyes.

Lord I don't deserve your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from your touch.
I want my life to be a pure reflection of you love.

And so I come into your chambers and I dance at your feet Lord.
You are my savior and I'm at your mercy.
All that has been in my life until now....belongs to you.
For you are still holy.

Rita Springer

Guys Night Out

2011-08-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Chad has been taking the boys out for one on one time periodically. They absolutely LOVE it! I love it too. Chad is such a great daddy. He really enjoys the time with them and tries to make the most of it. They've been going fishing, but, tonight Ethan wanted to hike up to Look Rock. So, they took a picnic and headed up there. Ethan was beaming when they came back. I think that time really means a lot to him. I like it because it also gives me one on one time with them. Tonight Luke and I played "Bonopoly" for about an hour and a half! He's so sweet and just loves to have you all to himself. Here are some pics from Chad and Ethan's trip (Ethan was very proud of the fact that he took many of these pictures). :)

Both Hands Project

2011-08-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Our Both Hands Project was yesterday, August 6th. It was so amazing! A whole group of people, some of whom we had never met, came out and spent the whole day working VERY hard! This was very hard work! We tore down and built a new deck, cut down a huge tree that was rotting, pressure washed, landscaped flower beds, etc. Two volunteers took an unexpected trip to Home Depot and came back with beautiful flowers, shrubs, and mulch that we would not have been able to afford. They got a lot of it donated, but, used their money on the rest. Our friends who are working so hard to get ready to go on the mission field came and spent the day working too....their whole family! Our family was awesome! My uncle was in charge of the deck. He put in a lot of money so that we could build her a nice deck. He also put in a lot of sweat and hard work. Our moms and my sister in law worked hard too.

It was so neat! All of these people working hard...JOYFULLY...for our kids! It was such a wonderful picture of how the church should be. I'm so touched and challenged!

This really was a day of living out James 1:27...pure religion is caring for the widow and the orphan. Thank you so much to everyone who helped and to everyone who is sponsoring our volunteers! We pray that you are blessed abundantly!

Recent Random Stuff...

2011-08-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Mini Sessions

2011-08-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be holding mini-sessions all day long to raise money for our adoption! There is no fee...I'm just asking for a donation. The amount is up to you! You can choose from downtown Maryville or the greenbelt near the courthouse. Sessions will be 30 minutes and a maximum of 5 people (I am flexible on that if a family has more than 5). The number of sessions will be limited, so sign up soon!

http://www.stephaniebowlingphotography.com/

Includes cd of at least 10 images with permission to print.

School Pictures 2011-2012

2011-07-30T06:05:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love homeschooling! It's not that I feel like I'm adequate or am the best at it. Most of the time I'm a little overwhelmed and feel like I'm not doing a great job. I wouldn't trade it for the world though. I love the time that I get to spend with my boys. I get to be a part of everything that they are learning. I get to make sure that they see God's glory in everything that they learn. We get to have so much fun with each other and grow together. I love it and I love these boys!

One awesome thing about homeschooling is that I get to take their school pics! :) So, they're not the boring pics I have from school. Also, it becomes a learning experience in itself. We went up to the Little Greenbrier Schoolhouse for pics. We got to talk about the way of life back then and how the schoolhouse was built. Then we hiked up to the Walker Sisters Cabin. We found all kinds of cool creatures, got lots of exercise, and had a ton of fun. So...even though we haven't "officially" started school...I think we covered some history, science, and P.E.

Ethan is getting SO big. He just looks so much older to me all the time. He is such a good kid.

He is quite the bookworm. I handed him this very old book...just for looks. Well, he really got into and thought it was pretty good.

This pretty much explains Luke. A friend said he looks like he's cutting class! Well, he's also sweet and a very good kid. But, he's also pretty contrary and very daring.

See? Contrary.

Yup...contrary. This is even after I tried to bribe him with candy or something.

My mom came with us and the boys had a blast with her. She's a very fun mamaw. She was constantly splashing the boys and throwing nuts at the back of their heads while we were walking. So...when we were at the river, Ethan threw a handful of black mud at her and it splattered all over her face! It was so hard to not laugh and to get onto Ethan....because, well, she kind of asked for it!

This was how we saw Luke most of the hike. He cannot help but pick up every cool rock he sees and then throw it at something. So we kept looking back to see him finding rocks and then he'd have to run to catch up with us.

Luke could throw rocks forever.

Ethan could swim forever...he's a little fish!

We had a great day. I love time with my boys. Lately we've been a little consumed with adoption stuff and fundraising stuff...it was nice to get away for a day and just enjoy each other and God's creation.

2011-07-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

I have made some more flower hair clips to sell to help with our adoption costs.

All of the regular flowers are $5.00. The large puffs are $7.00.

If you are interested, please email me at stephbowling@gmail.com

Thanks!

Dance Party

2011-07-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

We've had some friends with us the past couple of days. The boys have all been having a blast. They love being together. Last night after everyone had their showers, we turned up some music and the boys couldn't help but dance. SO FUN!

Aching

2011-07-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

I am aching to do this.....

I'm so happy Chad got to go hold our kids! I'm glad they got to be with him and be loved by him and get to know him. They are so blessed to have him as a daddy! Oh but my heart is aching so bad lately! I just can't wait to be with them. I can't wait for them to be with us! I dream about it at night and think about it during the day. The boys talk about them all day. Everything we do, we imagine how it will be when they are here. I know God has a reason for this waiting. We're drawing close to Him in this time. But, at the same time, praying for Him to work quickly. I wish I could say I've handled this all really well...but, honestly this has brought out the ugliest parts in me. Hopefully that ugliness is being sifted out little by little so I can be more like Him. We're so thankful for your prayers! We've been blessed overwhelmingly this past week and we're thankful for that too! I can't wait until I can share pictures on here without covering up their beautiful faces. :)

Playing with Fire

2011-07-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight I let the boys stay up late and catch fireflies and play with our leftover sparklers. I was hoping to catch some cool pics of the fireflies in the jar...but, they never blinked at the right time. :)

Both Hands

2011-07-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

We have the awesome opportunity to take part in a grant from Both Hands through Lifesong. It's really an awesome concept and such a neat way to live out James 1:27 by helping an orphan and a widow at the same time.

Basically, we'll be working on a widow's home for a whole day. We need a team of volunteers to help us work. Those volunteers would also get people to sponsor them...kind of like for a 5k or golf-a-thon. We will provide and mail letters for the volunteers. We also welcome anyone who would want to send out some letters and not work, or work without doing the letters. The proceeds will go towards our adoption!

I'm really excited about this project! If anyone is interested in volunteering, sending letters, or doing both, please let me know!

Thanks!

Boy's World

2011-07-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

Friday, Chad had the day off, so we headed to the mountains. We used to go at least once a week, but, we've trying to save on gas so it's been awhile. The boys were so excited!

June Bugs were swarming everywhere so Chad had fun showing the boys how to catch them. They also caught a big salamander. They had so much fun. I love watching them be "all boy". I can't wait until our other two are here as well. Everything we do, I find myself imaging them with us. I'm curious about how a girl will change the dynamics of these trips. Can't wait to find out!

The boys had fun in the creeks, as usual. Give them some mud and they'll be content for a VERY long time!

We had a little picnic lunch.

Caught some more june bugs....

Followed a deer...

Spotted a big frog...

Saw 6 bucks in a field...

and then it started to rain.

Catching a Cicada and Saying Good-bye to the Ducks

2011-07-04T13:31:00.000-07:00

The kids have been having fun catching bugs lately. This cicada was almost all the way out of it's shell when the boys found it so they were able to catch it before it flew away. They are so creepy looking!

Our ducks had started to become a neighborhood nuisance. Our neighbors liked them for the most part...they thought they were cute and funny. However, the ducks discovered one of our neighbor's swimming pools and decided to go for a swim, eat some of their flowers, and leave behind a big mess. So, keeping them was no longer an option. There is a garden center in Maryville with a big pond and they said they would take them. Well, when we got the ducks out there 2 other ducks came out of nowhere. One of them drug one of our ducks into the water and they both got on top of him trying to drown him! The kids were screaming and we all were horrified. Chad was able to kick the ducks off and save Oreo. Then, I remembered a homeschool mom I met with a farm and pond...luckily she was wanting ducks so they took them. I know they'll be happy there! We'll miss them but, it's nice knowing they are in a good place. :o)

Katydid

2011-07-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

Count it all joy...

2011-06-23T05:37:00.000-07:00

This past month has been an emotion-filled month for many reasons. Our faith is definitely being tested...along with other character qualities! There are so many ugly things that have come out in me lately. While I hate that, at the same time I'm trying to be thankful and see that God is working on me.

A couple days ago I heard James 1:2 and 3. Count it all joy! It's easier to count it all joy when it's only affecting me, but, when I see my children going through hardships...that's a different story! But, I know that God loves these children....HIS children...more than I can even imagine loving them. He knows what's best....not ME.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Lately I've been scheming and trying to figure out how we're going to raise the money we need. I've been running specials for photography, signed up to have booths at several craft events, I've been making hair clips, etc. None of it has been going good! Usually I'm turning away clients for photo shoots....now I can't book one to save my life. I've been very prideful in so many ways. Somehow I think I know what's best and that I can make things happen with my words or actions.

The fact of the matter is that every good thing is from Him. It's not because I deserve it or because of something I did. Believe me...I don't want what I deserve! I am so thankful for His grace. I'm not worthy to be blessed with these two precious children...it's only because of His grace that I get to be a part of this adoption. I'm not worthy of how He has provided over and over. It's only by His grace and his amazing love. He's been so generous! He's so faithful.

Is. 64:6

All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

If God has put adoption on your heart, please don't let things like money stop you. Adoption is so far beyond us! Adoption is God's idea...He came up with it and He calls us to it. HE will make a way!

I struggle with feeling like I'm asking for handouts or I'm not doing enough to raise this money. I don't deserve generous gifts from people. But, this is how He gets the glory! I have to remember that it's not about me and I can't do it. Only He can and this is an opportunity to worship Him and show others how much he loves us and these precious children.

2 Cor. 12:9....his strength is made perfect in our weakness!

Photography Special

2011-06-22T08:07:00.001-07:00

I'm running a photography special right now to help raise some of the money we need to come up with asap.

$250 for a session and cd of 20-30 images.

I'm also running a special for referring friends. Check out my website for more info!

STEPHANIE BOWLING PHOTOGRAPHY

Photography Special

2011-06-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

I'm running a photography special right now to help raise some of the money we need to come up with asap.

$250 for a session and cd of 20-30 images.

I'm also running a special for referring friends. Check out my website for more info!

http://www.stephaniebowlingphotography.com/

Family Portrait

2011-06-21T05:30:00.001-07:00

Some friends of ours are heading over for court this week. So, they are taking a bag to our kids. Ethan included this drawing of our family. I love it!

It seems like a lot is happening, yet nothing is really happening. It's a hard place to be....waiting and trusting. I'm thankful that even though I lack so much faith, He is still faithful.

A verse this past week that I have clung to is Deuteronomy 10:17 and 18.

For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe.

He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.

Random....

2011-06-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

Ethan lost his other front tooth shortly after losing the first one...but, I've been slacking and just now took a picture. Here is my goofy little guy....

The last two days we've spent a lot of time outside working in the woods and weeding the garden. The ducks have been especially obnoxious....pecking on our bedroom door at 7a.m. on Saturday morning!

I'm excited about our first garden....we've got lettuce, cucumbers, corn, bush beans, watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes, broccoli, and gourds. Don't ask me why I planted gourds. I really don't know.

Basil...

Dill...

We're really disappointed. We have this amazing hemlock tree right behind our house. It's huge and beautiful. It's an excellent shade tree over our house. It has the wooly adelgid on it and about half of it is already dead. I think the trunk of the tree is so pretty.

As I came around the house, I heard the ducks quacking their little hearts out and saw them at the kitchen door waiting for someone to bring them a snack.

I'm so blessed to have this sweet little guy....he picks me flowers whenever he sees them. He's such a sweetheart. Last night he jokingly put on a hat he picked out for our little girl. I said "awwww.....you look so pretty". He seriously said, "Don't call me pretty.........or cute........or wonderful." I wish I could record everything he says.

For Sale!

2011-06-09T06:47:00.000-07:00

We have got to raise another big chunk of money quickly. We will have court next week (hopefully) and then we immediately need to send money for them to start working on getting passports and visas for the kids. I'm selling these flower clips and headbands. Will ship for $2.00.

This small flower on a headband is $5.00

Large flower on headband $6.00

Large flower clips are $5.00 and small ones are $3.50

Progress

2011-06-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

Today we heard that we should have a court date the third week of this month!!! It seems like every. single. little. thing that happens along this journey...is HUGE. But...this really is HUGE! Once court is done we can start the process of getting things done to get them home. It will take at least a few months...but, it seems so much closer now. Please pray that we are not called to court. This should not be a problem, but, you just never know. Please pray that court goes smoothly and on schedule.

Since Chad returned from Africa, I have watched all of the videos over and over and looked through the pictures countless times. It's amazing to finally get a better glimpse of who my children are. It's been wonderful and sweet. It's also been incredibly hard. For a week I got to talk to my little girl on the phone everyday. I got to know that they were in their daddy's arms. Now, I wonder what's going through their minds. I'm praying for God to comfort them and to draw them close to Him during this time....I'm praying that for all of us. It's also hard hearing stories about many children in the orphanage that have no family. It's heartbreaking. It's wrong. I'm praying that God would rouse his church. There should not be so many children sitting in orphanages around the world...for years! I'm struggling with what God wants us to do. I'm not sure where He wants me or what I'm supposed to be doing. But one thing I'm sure of is that's not to sit back and do nothing. I'm praying for God to break my heart more and to not let me grow cold and comfortable again. I'm praying for God to rescue these beautiful children. If I am a child of God, who has been ransomed and rescued from my sin, saved and loved by the Almighty God...how can I do nothing?

Africa 2011

2011-06-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

We have so many pictures and videos from Chad's trip. Here is a little video we put together with a sampling of them all.

Orphan Care is Warfare

2011-05-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

Chad is on an airplane back to the States right now. I've missed him so much and I'm so ready for him to be home. At the same time, I wish he could have stayed with our children there. He said today was very hard on our little girl. It sounds like she kind of shut down and shut him out. She's been through so much. It's probably the only way she knows how to deal with it. They bonded so much while he was there. He also bonded a lot with our little guy. He said he would hold him for hours and hours and when he'd have to give him to someone he would cry for him. Chad is so good at just being with the kids and spending time with them. I get busy and have a hard time not being preoccupied. I'm glad he got to go and just be there for them. I cannot wait until it's my turn! I seem to have a knot in my stomach and an aching heart. Praying for God to comfort us and them. To draw us all closer to Him through this and to prepare us for being together. I know it's going to be a big change for everyone and we will have a lot of learning and adjusting to do.

While reading Orphanology last night, it talked about how orphan care IS spiritual warfare. Taking care of orphans is part of the Great Commission and Satan will attack when we are trying to do what God has called us to do. He is a thief, liar, murderer and deceiver. I've seen that in several circumstances during this process. So...it says, "that means that adoption and orphan care requires serious prayer, a reliance on God's power, and a steadfast faith in the promises of God". Oh I have a long way to go. This process is definitely bringing out my weaknesses and my ugly side. Just thankful for God's grace!

In other news....we had a hail storm here this week and Ethan lost his tooth! I was glad to not be in my car during this hailstorm. Unfortunately, it hit about 90 seconds after my sisters had left my house. They had to turn around and come back and were pretty shaken up. But...everyone was ok.

Jemima

2011-05-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

Jemima is my favorite of our 5 ducks. She's a beautiful silver/gray color. She can't quack....she tries, but all that that comes out is a pathetic squeak. This morning, all of the ducks came up to the kitchen window as usual. Well, Jemima wasn't with them. I immediately assumed she must have been killed by a dog like our other duck. These ducks never separate! They always stay right together. They stayed at the window for a minute and then went to the pond which I thought was weird because after a dog has been around they usually stay on the porch for a couple of days. Well, they came back and then went to the pond again and again. Finally, I knew something was up and looked out at the pond. Sure enough, I saw Jemima swimming in circles in the pond and shaking her head around. I ran down there and had to fish her out. She had a huge fishing lure caught on the underside of her beak and then the other end was under her wing. She had also cut up her feet pretty bad trying to get it out. SHe was pitiful. Our wonderful neighbors came down and clipped the ends off of the hooks so we could get it out. She seems to be ok and the others were all worn out. They all went to sleep as soon as we sat her on the ground!

My heart is breaking...

2011-05-26T05:18:00.001-07:00

Chad has 3 more days left with our children. Then, he will have to tell them good-bye for now and come home. I've listened and watched our little girl with him. She is in love with him. The way they talk and interact....it's like they've always been together. It's so sweet and amazing. But my heart is breaking. She has a daddy for the first time in her life and he's going to leave her....hoping that she can trust and believe that we'll be back to get her. She already doesn't even want to think about it. It just seems too much for little children to bear. I know it is! She's already been through so much.

Through this, I also know, that God is sovereign, her defender, her comforter, and her FATHER. I'm praying that God helps us all to know this deep in our hearts as we cling to Him. Also, that he would help C to know this and to know Him deeply.

My beautiful daughter!

2011-05-22T11:34:00.001-07:00

I wish that I could share pictures on here right now! Chad doesn't have a way to send me pics and video, so I'll have to wait until he gets home.

Just wanted to update on how it's going. After 4 CRAZY days in airports, Chad finally made it to Africa. It was insane and pretty disappointing, but, we know that God is in control. There must have been a reason and we tried to seek God about what we needed to learn from this. That's not to say that I wasn't an emotional basketcase...but, it was definitely a growing experience.

Chad's having an awesome time. Miss C is already in love with her daddy. She gets jealous of the other kids when they go to the orphanage. She doesn't want him having anything to do with the other kids.

I do believe that Chad is smitten as well. Ever since we first started getting pictures of her, she would look so different in the pictures depending on the angle the picture was taken from. Sometimes we weren't even sure if it was her. Well, this morning (3am here), this was what Chad said....."You know how she looks so different in different pictures? Well...she has this beautiful look about her that I've never seen in any of the pictures. She's just beautiful."

Chad asked her if she could count to 8 and then helped her count. He told her that's how many days he would be there and then he would have to leave and then mommy would come bring her home. She said, "you can't leave!". He tried to explain further...she said..."but you're my daddy!". I know it's going to be so heart wrenching for both of them. Please pray for her precious little heart to be able to bare this!

We got to video chat with them this morning. There wasn't much talking because there was a huge delay, but, it was precious watching her rub Chad's head and jump up and down on his lap, listen to her giggle as she was tickled, etc. I asked, "whose daddy is that?". She yelled, "ME!".

Baby brother is almost walking. I think it would be so cool if Chad could be there for his first steps!

I cannot wait to meet my precious children!!!!

He's on his way!

2011-05-18T17:38:00.001-07:00

Well, I had intended to take a picture of Chad walking to his gate, looking back at us, waving good-bye, etc. It was gonna be so sweet. Well, things didn't exactly go as planned...and that's ok. We got to the airport, all psyched up, only to find out that his flight from Knoxville was cancelled. He would have to come back the next day and his trip would now take 24 hours. We were disappointed, because his time in Africa would be cut a couple of days short. So, the airline let us change the day he comes back and he will now be in Africa for 10 days! I was so happy for him, but, freaking out for us! He's never been gone for this long...close to 2 weeks. So...we get to the airport today to find out that his flight was delayed, which may cause him to miss his flight in Frankfurt! All I know right now is that he got out of Knoxville. We were so tired , hungry and stressed that we said our good byes at the front of the airport without any pictures. I'm hoping he'll be able to email and let me know where he ends up! It's a strange feeling to have him so far away. It's also so strange to have 2 children whom I love so much, but I've never met, so far away! I've had a roller coaster of emotions lately! Another thing I cry about often (not sure why) is a name change.

We've decided what we're going to name our little boy. It's after a beautiful adoption story in the Bible. We were looking up adoption stories in the Bible with the boys one night. As soon as Chad turned to this one, we looked at each other and just knew that was going to be his name. In the weeks afterward, I kind of went back and forth. But, one day in the car, tears started to stream down my face and I realized that their story was so similar. This man had a mother that loved him so much that she let him go in order to save his life. He also had an older sister that went with him to help take care of him. We've been calling him by that name for several days and it's so sweet.

We're hoping that Chad will be able to ichat with us and the kids once he is there. It will be so exciting to "meet" them finally! I can't wait to be able to share more details of his trip and more information about our kids!

He's on his way

2011-05-18T17:37:00.001-07:00

Summer

2011-05-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

I usually dread summer. I'm not a fan of the heat! But, we had such a long cold winter that I was ready for it. I'm actually enjoying it. Our house is surrounded by honeysuckles and other little flowers that smell so good. We haven't turned our air conditioning on, and I really can't believe it! I like to keep my house around 60 degrees in the summer! But, we're fortunate to have a lot of trees shading our house and we keep fans going, so it really hasn't been bad. Hang drying my clothes isn't bad either. I find that I don't have as many piles of laundry everywhere as when I use the dryer. We are glad to be done with school! We still have some astronomy left, but, we're really relaxed about it and just having fun with it. We are having a lot of fun with the chickens. Another homeschool family gave us two laying hens...Lacy and Josephina. They are both beautiful. Josephina was egg bound and we think she's going to be okay now, but can't be 100% certain. Other than that, they have done great! We've gotten 1 or 2 eggs most days. It's been great for the boys. It's also fun as a family. We spend a lot of time outside together...working on the garden, the chickens, ducks, etc. We've also spent a lot of time outside cutting down trees and burning brush. It's a lot of work, but, I think it's been good for all of us. I'm glad that we stay busy doing things like this, rather than in front of a tv. We're learning a lot and doing things together.

The projects we're working on now are a floating house for the ducks and rain barrels!

Tiger Cub

2011-05-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

Ethan has had a blast in Tiger Cubs this year. He's made some good buddies and learned a lot. Tuesday was their last pack meeting for the year. They got awards and played some games. It was a fun night. It's strange realizing that he finished his first year of cub scouts when it seemed like he would never be old enough to join. They grow so fast!

Mars or Bust!

2011-05-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

Luke has been talking about wanting a jet pack for probably 6 months. It's so cute. He says that when he gets a jet pack he's going to fly straight up and then turn it off so he can land on the clouds. Then he will bounce on them. He'll just randomly say (with a sad look on his face), "I wish I had a jet pack". Or..."for my next birthday I want a jet pack". It's so cute. He is so full of imagination that it blows my mind. He seriously never stops. Every stick turns into a gun, every automatic door opens once he ninja kicks it, the shampoo and washcloth turn into some kind of battle that makes his showers take WAY too long. I love it! He's never bored. Well, I got the idea that we could make him a jet pack out of oatmeal boxes. He was so excited! But...he can't reach the on/off buttons, and apparently that's a HUGE problem. So we still have some tweaking to do. Once we get it finished, he says he's going to go to Mars.

Remaining Funds

2011-05-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

Well....we are at a point now where we are just waiting. We are waiting for a court date. Chad will be in Africa next Tuesday. Hopefully, sometime soon we'll have some sort of idea when our court date could be. After that, we just wait for the kids to get all of their paperwork, visas, passports, etc. In the meantime, we are trying to raise the rest of our money! We would love to be able to take the boys with us to pick up the kids. I want them to know where their brother and sister came from and I really want them to have that bonding time with them over there before they come home. But, God knows what is best and if it's His plan, He'll provide. So, our goal for the rest of our fundraising is $10,000. That includes our remaining adoption fees and all of the rest of our airfare. It also includes passports, immunizations, visas, etc. for all of us.

We are so thankful for all of the support we've gotten so far. We're trusting God and praying about what He wants US to do to raise the rest of this money.

The Big Race

2011-05-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

The boys had a great time today at the race. They raised over $300!!!! I'm so proud of them. It was really exciting to watch them approach the finish line. This was the first race for both of them. THey really enjoyed it and feel great that they are helping bring their brother and sister home. Thanks to everyone who pledged money for them!!!!

Juice Plus Fundraiser

2011-05-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

My sweet friend Cheris is giving us 10% of all of her sales this month! Plus, she will give us a dollar for every person who does a 15 minute web walk with her on the phone!

Please CHECK OUT HER SITE HERE!!

They have some wonderful products for kids and adults!

Happy Birthday Little B!!!

2011-05-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

Today is our little guy's birthday! He is one year old! I hate that we are missing it! Sometimes it's hard to wait on God's timing. It's hard to understand why our kids can't join our family NOW. Why is there all of this waiting? What's the point? I get impatient and I just want to hold my kids! I want them to meet their brothers that already love them so much. I daydream about the day we are all together.

I started reading Orphanology recently and one line stuck out to me. "...in this process you will learn things about the heart of God that you might not otherwise know" (Russ Moore). I'm trying to remember that and learn what I can from this process. I want God to have His way in my heart.

So today, we pray for our little guy and take a moment to see how God wants us to respond.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Is. 55:9

Kids Race

2011-05-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

We are gearing up for the big race this Saturday!!! The boys are so excited!!! They get so excited over every pledge they receive. So far, they've already brought in over $140! That doesn't include the "pledge per step" they've received. If you would like to donate just click on "chip in" on the sidebar. I think this is so special for them to be able to help bring their brother and sister home!

Humbled

2011-04-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

Today we had a great day at church with friends. Then, we headed down to Water Angels. It was a great service. It was awesome watching God work. I was talking to a lady that is so sweet. She has such an awesome testimony of being delivered from drugs , alcohol, and prostitution. She's working hard, but, getting paid minimum wage. God has really worked to restore so much in her life and things are getting better and better. As we talked she said that she felt like she was supposed to give us a tv to sell. She said she saved and saved for this flatscreen t.v. but realized that it's not important and she's never been so sure of anything as she was about giving it to us. So she walked us over to her house and loaded it up. It's so humbling and I pray God blesses her richly!

I wonder if I would have done the same....

It's been awesome looking through more pictures of our kids. A family from our church is in Africa now and they took the time to hold our little girl and read the letters we wrote to her. So sweet!!!

Humbled

2011-04-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

I wonder if I would have done the same....

It's been awesome looking through more pictures of our kids. A family from our church is in Africa now and they took the time to hold our little girl and read the letters we wrote to her. So sweet!!!

Faithful!

2011-04-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

God is so faithful! It seems I keep freaking out about money, start acting ugly, trying to figure it out on my own, realize I need to trust Him after I get to my lowest point, and then He provides!

WILL I EVER LEARN??? In my last post I shared how God was showing me He had this under control. Two precious boys and their parents showed up with a large donation. After that, we were so blessed on Thursday to get a call that there were some seats available at Hope in the Dark. It's an incredible fundraising event for Show Hope and Blood:Water Mission. We were so excited and blessed. On the way home I got a call that my mom had sold her motorcycle!!! I was so shocked. I had prepared myself that it probably wasn't going to sell and that we would get the money another way. I just couldn't quit crying. I don't deserve this! I don't deserve these two precious kids. But, He is still faithful! NOW.....we're on to raising the travel money. I'm going to cling to Him and trust that He's got this!

Mercies in Disguise

2011-04-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a photo shoot with a family I've been taking pictures of for a couple of years. They are sweet family with two precious boys. I've loved watching these two boys grow up and it's been an honor to capture sweet moments in their lives.

Last night I was blown away. As the boys got out of the car, they were each holding a little bucket. One had a picture of our little girl on it and the other had a picture of our baby boy. The buckets were filled with money these little boys had worked hard for. The oldest little guy is four. He told me all of the reasons he felt it was important to save this money. It was touching that he had such a real view of the situation our kids are in.

A two-year old and a four-year old gave us over $75!!! This was such an inspiration to our boys...they couldn't believe it as we counted it! Then....when the family paid for their session, they overpaid by quite a bit! I was moved to tears by this family several times last night. When I got in the car and looked at their check I just started crying. A beautiful song came on the radio, and I know God was speaking to me.

Honestly, it's been a rough week or so for us. We've just had a lot going on....and, as usual, I haven't handled everything the way I should have. One thing was that we did a yard sale (for the 3rd time) and only made a little bit of money. It was really disappointing. But, I felt God speaking to me that He doesn't provide for everyone the same way. Also, that I CANNOT make it happen the way I want it to. No matter how much I try, I can't bring in the money for this adoption. It's hard because I don't want to just ask for handouts....I want to earn the money. Last night I felt like God showed me something. The money for this adoption is already provided. God's just giving it to us in His timing...not mine. He's already taken care of it all. I have to do my part and be willing to obey Him, but, I've got to learn to let go and let Him have His way.

I'm so thankful for God's people...they are so generous! He's so generous! My heart is so full and I just long to meet my kids so bad! I know He's growing me through this. I can't wait to see what He has in store.

Online Auction

2011-04-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

I earned some free merchandise with the Thirty One Fundraiser that we did and I'm going to auction a couple of things off!

Just email me for an auction ID # and then you can enter your bid and ID# in the comments section. Bidding starts immediately and will end on Sunday night at 10pm.

If the item needs to be shipped, there will be a $5.00 shipping fee.

Bidding Starts at $5.00

First is the XXL Tote.

Interior hanging pocket. Exterior Patch Pocket. Made of durable canvas.

Approx. 16.75"Hx23.5"Wx11"D

$60 Value

(It's the large khaki bag in the picture)

Online Auction Item #2

2011-04-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

Fitted Skirt Purse

Brown Purse with Floral Fanfare print. New skirts can be purchased to change the look.

Interior cell phone pocket, zipper pocket, magnetic snap closure.

$42 Value

Our First Spring

2011-04-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

I've really been enjoying our first spring in this house. It's fun to see flowers pop up that you didn't know were there. We've had fun working on the property as a family. We've had a great time raising our first chicks and ducks. We're sad that we lost 5 chicks to a dog last week. It was really sad, but, we've learned some life lessons. We're loving our ducks....and they love US. Especially me. I think they think I'm their mama. They follow me around...waddling as fast as they can. It's so cute! I just love them. I'm nervous because there is a a hawk that stays around. We found a squirrel that he ate yesterday. Hopefully there are enough squirrels to keep him away from our ducks. I keep envisioning our two other children with us...I cannot wait to get them here! We are so ready for school to be over! It's been hard for us all to get motivated to get things done. I'm trying to make things more fun and take frequent bike rides and walks in the woods to break up the school day. We have great plans for the summer! But...first things first.

Luke was trying to catch the ducks and ended up knee deep in the mud.

These little inch worms are hanging from the trees everywhere. We end up with them all over us because we walk right into them.

My goal for the summer is not to use my dryer or air conditioner. Not using the dryer is the most likely to happen...but, I'm going to try my hardest!

The view from our back porch. :o)

A Great Opportunity

2011-04-13T10:10:00.001-07:00

NOW is the time to order

Ordinary Hero gear. SALE

today through Sunday...

everything is 20% off -

PLUS- 40% of your purchase

goes toward my adoption

costs.

Simply choose my name

from the drop-down

affiliate box.

Sale prices applicable

through Sunday!Top seller

receives $500 grant from

OH! Can you please help

me?

They have GREAT items to

choose from..Take a look.

and Thank you!!! :)

Pledges Per Step!!!

2011-04-12T06:15:00.001-07:00

The boys will be running their Road Mile Race on May 7th! They've already raised $76 and are so excited! A good friend called with her pledge this morning....she's sponsoring the boys each 1 cent "per step". I thought that was such a great idea and wanted to share it here. They are still taking pledges!

Let us know if you would like to make a pledge. All money goes to our adoption!

The Bowling Family

Crafty Stuff!

Ethan is going to Ghana!!!!

Basketball

Progress

"What a Blessing You Are"

Gotta Love Boys

Growing Deep Roots

Seven Islands Wildlife Refuge

Approved!

Tears

Worth The Wait

Veterans Day Parade

Officially A Family of Six!

Great Opportunity!

School

Stubborn

Fall Fun!

Orphan Sunday

Mud Fight!

Holding Me To It...

Sacrifice

Surrender/Trust

Faith of a Child

The Boys

I'm Not OK

Never a Dull Moment

Bears!

Thankful

Still

Am I JUST waiting?

Sovereign

Guys Night Out

Both Hands Project

Recent Random Stuff...

Mini Sessions

School Pictures 2011-2012

Dance Party

Aching

Playing with Fire

Both Hands

Boy's World

Catching a Cicada and Saying Good-bye to the Ducks

Katydid

Count it all joy...

Photography Special

Photography Special

Family Portrait

Random....

For Sale!

Progress

Africa 2011

Orphan Care is Warfare

Jemima

My heart is breaking...

My beautiful daughter!

He's on his way!

He's on his way

Summer

Tiger Cub

Mars or Bust!

Remaining Funds

The Big Race

Juice Plus Fundraiser

Happy Birthday Little B!!!

Kids Race

Humbled

Humbled

Faithful!

Mercies in Disguise

***Online Auction***

Online Auction Item #2

Our First Spring

A Great Opportunity

Pledges Per Step!!!

Online Auction